Weekend Gotaway, Part Deux

So, in Weekend Gotaway, Part I, we packed and got on the road.  It was a truly riveting story, and you should totally read it if you missed it.  If you don’t read it, you will have no idea what is going on in this post.  You will be reading at a clickety-clackety pace, and then stop, and say, “Huh?  Why is this bulldog driving?”  Seriously.  Read on at your own risk.  

So, Wonderbutt the Bulldog got us to The Dictator’s Ranch with a little help from Cap’n Firepants.  (See, I told you to do your homework…)

Since you guys seemed to enjoy Wonderbutt’s front seat photo so much, here is another.

Some people might say that he is looking sleepy. Others might say that this is the look I give when I am peeved because Cap’n Firepants is not driving the way that I think he should drive…

We arrived at the ranch, and then proceeded to unload the warehouse of goods that Cap’n Firepants deemed absolutely necessary for our three-day weekend.  Wonderbutt did his best to help with the unloading by racing in front of our feet and stopping suddenly to sniff the butts of The Dictator’s three dogs ad nauseum.

After saying “hello” to the Wall of Death, which is an ironic remnant from The Dictator’s father’s hunting days, (The Dictator and her vegetarian husband both being fierce animal rights activists), I was ready for bed.

The Wall of Death – during our college days known as The Place to Try to Hang Your Bra.

At The Ranch, the Firepants family sleeps in one king-sized bed.  I use the term “sleep” loosely.  I have never actually slept at The Ranch.  In the 20+ years that I’ve known The Dictator and visited The Ranch, I have spent more time desperately trying to sleep than I have spent complaining about the Cap’n’s overpacking.  That is a lot of time.

Part of the problem used to be Mrs. P.I.B., our constantly panting and pacing over-anxious Golden Retriever.  But, we did not bring her this time.  So, I expected some major snooze time.

I settled on the couch in the living room so Wonderbutt and I could complete our nightly ritual of him falling asleep on my lap, me waiting until the snoring and gases can not be borne any longer, and then me slipping out from under him to go to bed, leaving him to slumber until the morning.

Not meant to be.  Because there was a new element at The Ranch.  A cat.  And Wonderbutt has never seen a cat except the one that taunts him in our backyard.  So, you can see how this is going…

The cat had arranged itself on the other couch, and Wonderbutt, as they like to say in Texas, was “fit to be tied”.  He could not stand that cat just laying on the sofa.  I’m still not certain if he wanted the sofa or the cat.

So, I finally had to bring Wonderbutt into the Firepants Family Bedroom.  Because I did not want to leave him alone with the cat, or to have to add Wonderbutt’s head to the Wall of Death in the morning.

Wonderbutt could not get settled.  Even though he could not see the cat, he was well aware that it still existed.  For hours, he whined at the door, and then he circled around his bed, then whined at the door, then circled around his bed…  You get the idea.

Then he got really frantic, so I decided to go back to the living room to see if a chupacabra had somehow gotten into The Ranch since that could be the only possible explanation for a ballistic bulldog in the bedroom.

No worries.  Just the cat throwing up everywhere.

Good times.

I cleaned that up, which was quite a feat since Wonderbutt felt that this would be the perfect time to attack the cat during its Moment of Weakness.

I brought Wonderbutt back to the bedroom, and informed him, in no uncertain terms, that he better darn well go to sleep because I’d had a long week of returning back to school and leaving him alone in the house for 8 hours a day.

Finally, my logic seemed to sink in.  He let out a big sigh, and five minutes later the snoring started.  It was about 3 AM.

Then, Cap’n Firepants suddenly popped up in bed, and started walking toward the door.

“DON”T YOU DARE WAKE HIM UP!” I hissed.  “WHERE IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?”

“To sleep on the couch.  Your daughter keeps slapping me in the face in her sleep.”

“GET BACK IN THIS BED RIGHT NOW OR THE WALL OF DEATH IS GOING TO GET ANOTHER MOUNT.”

I get a bit cranky when I’ve had no sleep.

And that’s how our first night at The Ranch went.

Wonderbutt asleep. The next day. When everyone else was awake.

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Posted on September 5, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Dogs, Family, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.

  1. Ah – how lovely to have a romantic weekend away 🙂 Hope the wall of death remains as is and doesn’t get any new trophies.

  2. Aw, he’s such an angel when he’s unconscious 🙂

  3. I like how Dimples becomes “your” daughter when she’s slapping the Cap’n.
    Wonderbutt certainly doesn’t disappoint for creating a ruckus, whether at home or on vacation!

  4. Haha it sounds like such a relaxing vacation

  5. 1. In Australasia, as in the UK, we drive on the other side of the road. It looks as though Wonderbutt is sitting in the driver’s seat in that pic! Talented pup!!!
    2. You have a friend who is vegetarian AND an animal activist who has a wall of death in her home… You trump my surreal post today!!!

    • 1. Forgot about the whole “other side” thing. Do they let dogs drive there, too?
      2. Yes, The Dictator was a disappointment, in that respect, to her father, The Hunter. She is a rebel in many ways!

  6. I can picture the whole thing as if watching a cartoon – ha!

  7. What a nightmare! I would have poked Wonderbutt all day long and kept him awake to make sure he slept the next night.

  8. Have you considered drugs? Not a lot…just enough to take the edge off. 😉

  9. You crack me up. This last picture of Wonderbutt is the best. I do hope you had a little bit of fun on your 3 day adventure.

  10. The Wall of Death- finally a picture! I can totally relate to the story seeing as I am not getting much sleep right now- and I can get quite cranky- especially if someone may wake the baby!!

  11. bumpyroadtobubba

    I love the use you had for the wall during college!

  12. Your vacations sound like fun. That most definitely is a wall of death.

  13. I’d have thought The Dictator’s family was up all night snickering, watching their cat keep you up all night, but no mention of them so I guess not…

  14. Chancy and Mumsy

    What a night! You will most likely be glad to get back home and work so you can rest. You had to have been so glad when Wonderbutt finally went to sleep. Hugs

  15. Wow, I thought I was the only one who had things go crazy when I go on vacation…. hehehe…. hope you got some sleep….

  1. Pingback: Weekend Gotaway – How Long is this Weekend, Anyway? – Chapter 3 « whatimeant2say

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