I am Thinking of Growing a Mustache

My new mission in life is to keep my 10-year-old daughter, Dimples, from ever watching the movie version of Les Miserables.  Aside from the obvious reasons (the somewhat dark story line and Russell Crowe’s horrible singing which is only eclipsed by his steadfast refusal to do any acting), I am pretty certain that it would sever our mother/daughter relationship forever.  Because the next time I tell her that we really don’t have enough money to spend on something, all she would have to do is pull the, “Fantine was willing to prostitute herself for her daughter, and you won’t even give me 75 cents to get a stick-on mustache from the vending machine!” complaint, and I will be forced to admit that I am pretty much the worst mother ever.  Particularly since I am 99% certain that she does not know what a prostitute is right now (despite the fact that we once had a discussion about “skanks“, but there is a fine line between the two, I would say, and we never jumped over that line during that specific discussion).  So, I will not only have exposed my daughter to the seedier side of life far too early, but I will also have armed her with the best guilt-trip weapon any daughter could possibly use.  Although I suppose I could point out that, if Fantine was such a great mother, she probably should not have left her daughter with the despicable Thénardiers. But then my quick-witted daughter would say, “But at least I’d get to live with Hugh Jackman!” and I would have to admit that, all in all, that I don’t think I would be too upset if she went to live with Hugh Jackman.  In a daughterly way, of course.

And here’s a thought.  Do you think Hugh Jackman would let me come live with them, too?

But, I guess the real question is, “Should I give my daughter 75 cents to get a stick-on mustache from the vending machine just so she will not think I am a bad mom?”

And the answer is, of course, “Yes.  Because that is small price to pay for not having to be a prostitute.”

P.S. – My other, more pressing, question is, “Why do the actors in Les Miserables always talk with a British accent even though it’s set in France?”

photo credit: seanwolter via photopin cc

photo credit: seanwolter via photopin cc

Posted on January 3, 2013, in Dimples, Family, Humor, Parenting and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 33 Comments.

  1. Seriously, does anyone ever have any idea what someone with a french accent speaking in English is actually saying?
    The guy at the end of that movie – you know the one – had two words. I still have no idea what he said.

  2. You may be 99% sure, but it’s the 1% that always knocks us sideways. Just saying.

    And it’s obvious why they spoke in so-called “British” accents. They were descended from the Jews and Romans in “Life of Brian.”

  3. so, so many things are a small price to pay for not having to be a prostitute. i see lots of buying in your future. 😉

  4. I think it’s because it was written for a British cast, originally…besides, do you really want to hear Jean Valjean singing “Breeeng Heeem ‘Ome”? Or Cosette singing “Zere eez a Castelle awn a Clay-owd”? The answer is “non”!

  5. British accents = foreign enough to not be in the U.S., but not too foreign that we don’t want to watch it. Anything that might require subtitles is a Hollywood no-no.

    • I guess I can’t really complain about that departure from reality when the entire story depends upon the great love Cosette and Marius develop by making eyes at each other across the street.

  6. Ah, trying to grow up so fast…my mustache is free now! 😉

    • Yes, another friend of mine also commented on the irony of how dutifully we women try to keep ourselves clean-shaven while our daughters cheerfully don mustaches for every photograph we take.

  7. After all of this, I can’t wait to see it. It just arrived in town to lines around the block…sigh
    This sounds like mustache blackmail. Kids are so good at that, and we parents just suck up the guilt.
    Thanks for sharing this piece. I love, love, love it.

  8. Not only should you buy her one, you need to buy me one, as well. We do not have such things here.

    • Are you serious? Mustaches are quite the rage here. My daughter’s friend has mustache socks, rings, necklaces, and earrings. She even got a polar bear stuffed animal for Christmas who had its own mustache. I am totally kicking myself for not having gotten in on this mustache industry earlier.

  9. I’m with you on moving in with Hugh Jackman 😉

  10. You make me glad I don’t have kids of my own. I don’t think I could handle the moral dilemmas. 🙂

  11. I cried the entire time.
    The Actor studied dialects last quarter so we get out of the movie and I asked that same question and he goes, “it wasn’t even british! It was some weird mix of british and Australian. Some were cockney….” Basically none of the accents made sense but he was even more bothered by it.

  12. May I please have a mustache too???
    I’ve been trying to go my own for years but it’s just not filling out very well. Disappoint.
    And yes, I was wondering about the British accent thing too – maybe it’s just the thing to do for period pieces?
    I’m glad you won’t be prostituting yourself for a mustache, by the way. 😉

  13. I saw Les miserables last week
    I liked it even if it was a bit long
    I thought Hugh Jackman was great
    Anne Hathaway on the other hand, she over acts I think
    Although I did like her singing ‘I dreamed a dream’

    I wondered that too, why are they all talking (or singing) with English accents x

  14. Chancy and Mumsy (Mag)

    Sounds like money well spent to avoid prostitution. I don’t think I will see the movie. I love the original version and can’t bring myself to seeing the movie as a musical. I may change my mind in the future though because I do like Hugh Jackman. and see most of his movies. Hugs

  15. Definitely buy her the mustache. It’s better than having a real one….especially when your husband constantly comments on it. Funny:)

  16. The mustache craze is getting to be a little out of control- it’s everywhere!! I will probably have to rent Les Mis when it comes out on dvd because I don’t think Cal would let me be away from him that long (I heard it was super long). I also heard I would leave crying in buckets.

  17. Ha! Excellent question that you end with there. I too, will not let my kids see Les Mis for awhile…though my main reason is that I don’t need them to witness me bawling my head off for three hours. I started crying at Fantine and pretty much didn’t stop. Good grief. Nor can I get the songs out of my head. Perhaps if I blog about it, it will release me…

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