There’s a Big Difference Between Mostly Dead and All Dead

It all began with a death threat…

Mrs. Cap'n FirepantsGive us your computer as hostage for 3-5 business days or your hard drive will die a slow and painful deathSincerely,Apple

Mrs. Cap’n Firepants, Give us your computer as hostage for 3-5 business days or your hard drive will die a slow and painful death.  Sincerely,Apple

Upon receiving this demand, I promptly threw it in the pile with my other death threats.  After all, I am a pirate’s wife.  I do not take death threats seriously unless they are repeated a couple of times.  Plus, I don’t deal with terrorists.

Then I got the e-mail.

Mrs. Cap'n Firepants

Mrs. Cap’n Firepants, we are not joking.  Your hard drive is about to kick the can.  Sincerely, Apple.

Okay.  Fine.  I needed to replace my hard drive.  This, of course, necessitated backing it up, which I hadn’t done in over a year.  So, I plugged in my backer upper thing, fired up my Time Machine, and let it do its thing over night.

The next morning, all was good.  Backer upper filled.  Time Machine back from the future.

One of my friends had advised me to keep backer uppering once a day, and only the new things would be added.  Sounded good.

Next morning, error message on my computer.  Time Machine seriously messing with my computer, making me feel like I was traveling at light speed and about to throw up.  Absolutely no data on my backer upper.  Time Machine apparently ate everything in the backer upper and spit it out in a parallel universe.

Not good.

Further research made me conclude that my backer upper needed more space.  This meant I needed a new backer upper.

It was Christmas time.  I was busy setting up my Harry Potter nativity, and consoling my daughter over the inadvertent beheading of her Harry Potter ornament.  I did not have time or money to purchase a new backer upper.  Besides, no new ransom notes had arrived.  So things were probably not that serious.

I think you know where this is going.

I will skip the death scene, which occurred a couple of days after Christmas. Suffice it to say, that it’s good that I take anti-depressants and that I hadn’t, at that point, seen Les Miserables yet.

I got a new hard drive.  For free.  I suspect that the kidnappers, upon meeting me in person, rightly concluded that I was not a person with whom they should trifle about ransom.  I doubt the hysterics had anything to do with it.

But a new hard drive could never replace the old one, the one that knew all of my secrets and –

I decided that I needed a Miracle Max.

It turned out that, like The Princess Bride’s Man in Black,  my hard drive was only mostly dead, and Miracle Max was able to resurrect it, for a small fee equivalent to the cost of a year at Harvard.

Heartened by this turn events I brought the new body of my old hard drive home, and plugged it into the old body of my new hard drive so they could become one.

And now, it seems, that I apparently pimped my computer to a rabbit.  Instead of years of photographs, or the complete absence of photographs, my pictures exponentially reproduced, so that I now have 4 times as many photos as before the hard drive died.  And, ironically, I once again have too much data to fit on my backer upper.

I know that, if you have suffered the death of a hard drive, you have no sympathy for me, at this point.  I mean, why should I complain that I now have 100,000 pictures of Wonderbutt hogging space on my hard drive when, a week ago, I was sobbing because I had none?

That’s okay.

When my Toyota falls apart because I procrastinated responding to their ransom note (which they cleverly disguised as a “recall notice”), then you will regret your hard heart regarding my hard drive.  I only hope you can cope with the guilt.

P.S. This one is for you, Guap:

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Posted on January 15, 2013, in Death, Depression, Humor, Terrorism and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 40 Comments.

  1. This just had me laughing as most of your posts do.

  2. OMG! What a sad, sad, funny story. My hard drive was all the way dead. Sad, sad, and not funny at all. I smugly said, “No worries. It’s all backed up.” It wasn’t. 😦

  3. My hard drive is also in its death throes, so I have complete empathy. Every time I turn on the sucker I find I don’t breathe until it hums to life and the bitten apple thing comes up on the screen. Did you really get a message of warning? I didn’t. Guess they love you more…hrmmph

  4. Thank goodness I learn most of my lessons from others’ mistakes…..thanks for sharing:) Glad things worked out okay!!!

  5. Arghhh! I am going through this too!

  6. I DO feel bad that it costs as much as one year at Harvard. Dang. I am going to keep backing up my junk so this hopefully won’t happen to me. I just have to hope my backer upper keeps working, right?

    • Yes, or you could do what some people do, and have a backer upper for the backer upper. I would say that’s overkill, but I guess that probably would have helped in my situation, too.

  7. I backed mine up. Then the backer upper and my laptop both died within 24 hours of each other. Dead. Zip. Zilch.Gone. Nothing. Nada. No photos. No 50,000 words for my book. All deaded. And no resurrection in sight. Not happy at all. Be glad of your 10,000 photos of Wonderbutt. Be very glad.

  8. My computer died, around the holidays too… but it choose to go the “all dead” route.

  9. oh my ..I got lost in all that …so you were dead but now you are back to life? The computer I mean…not you

  10. Oh good golly, I so know the feeling. At least you have more, rather than no, photographs. My laptop was stolen a couple of years ago and, as I had been much like you regarding the backer upper thingie, I lost them all. Don’t care so much about the other stuff but photos can never be replaced.

  11. Typist needs more coffee, or I need a new typist: She thought you put that you had a miracle wax!! Took her off on a very worrying thought patern *roles eyes* really you have no idea what I have to put up with!

  12. “Pimped my computer to a rabbit” – bwahahahaha! Glad you got your photos back, with interest. 🙂

  13. Sometimes I hate computers…

  14. You have a Harry Potter nativity set! I’m jealous.
    I understand your procrastination. It reminds me of how I react to the service light in my car reminding me to have my oil changed.

  15. I too have frequently been the victim of malfeasance on the part of hardware manufacturers making stuff that doesn’ stand up to normal (for me) usage.
    Though in retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to take my laptop to live blog my last trip to the waterpark…

    Great tune – love Caro!
    Thanks!

  16. I once lost a hard drive too, and my step-daughter lost her laptop, so Fitty combined the two and presto a new laptop for 4!
    He’s clever like that. Yes I know you’re thinking what a selfless woman I am to give my computer to my girl, but I knew something that Fitty didn’t know. That he was going to buy me this awesome computer that I’m using right now! 😉

  17. i love your technical terms. backer upper is my favorite. and the song? love it. hubby is a fan of saying “back the f*ck up” for many things that happen (anything from close talkers to the backing upping that is computer maintenance.) sorry, friend for this never ending story. but, it has made excellent blog fodder?

  18. “My name is Wonderbutt’s Mom.
    You killed my hard drive.
    Prepare to die.”
    –Mrs. Cap’n Firepants

  19. Chancy and Mumsy (Mag)

    Well, you gotta admit that having so many pictures of sweet Wonderbutt is better than none, right? I know having to get a new hard drive is no fun but you had me laughing telling about this. Hugs and give Wonderbutt some hugs and nose kisses for us.

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