Can I Make My Hair Stylist My Primary Physician? If So, Will Coloring My Hair Double My Co-Pay?

“Have you had your thyroid checked lately?”

“No, why?”

“Well, you just seem to be losing more hair than usual.”

This slightly disturbing dialogue occurred between my hair stylist’s sister and me as she was washing my hair.  I don’t think she realized that she was pouring gasoline on a hypochondriac’s fire.

It didn’t help when my hair stylist, himself, said, “Oh yes, we had a client who had thyroid problems.  But instead of losing her hair, she lost her eyebrows.”

I think you can predict what I did when I went home.

It says a lot about my husband’s understanding of me when he said nothing after walking in on me in the bathroom with my nose pressed to the mirror, trying to look for evidence of any missing eyebrow hair.

The truth is, I have been thinking of getting my thyroid checked.  It was checked 3 years ago, but my sister, Crash, had already planted the idea in my head a couple of weeks ago that I should make another go at it, and I am a firm believer that one medical test is never enough.  Especially when it comes out negative.  I’m not paranoid (much), but it seems to me that there are a lot things that can go wrong between the draining of my blood in one office building and the examination of it in some anonymous warehouse under a microscope.  Just check out the “Non-Fat Yogurt” episode of Seinfeld, and you’ll be paranoid, moderately suspicious too.

What I’m trying to figure out, though, is how I can get my doctor to just order the tests without me having to go in and explain my rationale for needing them.  Because I already paid my hair stylist $150.  I don’t see why I need to add a $20 co-pay to the mix.

“Hello?  Yes, I wanted to see if Dr. Jimmy can order some thyroid tests for me?  No, I don’t need to meet with him first.  My hair stylist’s sister already diagnosed me.  Plus, I did the internet checklist.  Really, the blood tests are just a formality.  If Dr. Jimmy wants, we can skip those, too, and he can just start giving me the drugs.”

Yes, I’m sure that would work.

Hey, barbers used to be surgeons.  It's not that far-fetched...photo credit: rhinman via photopin cc

Hey, barbers used to be surgeons. It’s not that far-fetched…
photo credit: rhinman via photopin cc

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Posted on January 27, 2013, in Disease of the Day, Doctors, Family, Humor, Phobia and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.

  1. Let’s face it, once the shampoo girl makes the diagnosis and Google supports her findings, why do we even need doctors?? The medicine should just pop out of the DVD drive. I just diagnosed rotator cuff in my best friend. If only I knew how to do surgery, we could move on. Ugh! Good luck. Don’t tweeze any more than you absolutely have to… Just in case.

  2. After reading this whole post, I’m actually relieved.
    When you had your face against the mirror, I thought you were checking to see if you were losing nose hair.

    I’d be crushed if I lost my nasal dreadlocks.
    What? Do you have any idea how long it took to braid those?!?

  3. Not so far fetched, I had a portion of my cervix removed and bi-op done simply because another with my first initial and surname and my test results were mixed up! I went through 3 weeks of agonising about cervical cancer, not to mention the pain of the op!
    We aren’t a litigious nation as such, but I wish I’d had the brains back then in my 20- something head to do so. I was just so relieved to be given the all clear! (and my tight ex- husband was an accountant and wouldn’t pay for a solicitor.)

  4. What would be great is if doctors allowed two-fers. You and I could get some pretty good deals, I think, with all of our worries. If I have any suspicion, I get it checked. The doctors think I’m nuts when I come in with Internet diagnoses, but I’m sure they love my payments.

  5. It could just be aging – hahahahaha!

  6. I really want to cut my hair but I can’t afford it. Why can’t everything be free?

  7. As long as you’re not paranoid or anything 😀
    Hmm, can’t quite see the dr going for your hairstylists opinion but, then again, maybe he won’t want to make you mad and have you posting about him here 🙂

    • You’re right. My doctor insists that I come in. Actually his receptionist did. I’m sure if she just wrote down my symptoms on a piece of paper and showed it to him, it would be just as helpful as me showing up in person to recite it.

  8. It’s a good plan. If your doctor doesn’t go for it he’s probably just trying to milk the system. And THAT is why insurance rates are going up, my friends!
    I’m getting a haircut next week. Maybe I should have her write a prescription for my hayfever allergies while she’s at it. 😉

    • I love Dr. Jimmy, so I am going to believe that he just wants to make sure I’m not going to suddenly keel over from some mysterious disease that has the exact same symptoms as hypothyroidism. But you’re probably right.

  9. I had to get get my thyroid checked because I trusted my dentist, who thought I has thyroid issues and wouldn’t even do a cleaning because I had “high blood pressure”.
    I had nothing, I then showed him the bill, he gave me free cleanings for 2 years.
    Would be nice if doctors gave you cards, and once you collect the 5 stamps on that card you get a free check-up, that’d be ideal, of free x-ray after 10 visits lol

  10. Dang girl, we need to get you well. I am with you on not having to pay the copay and just getting them to order the tests. That copay could go to next month’s hair bill…a

  11. omg. i’m so behind on blog reading, but the title of this post alone had me spitting out my drink. hysterical.

  1. Pingback: I Would Pay The Whole 4 Cents to Be Sequestered with Brad Pitt | whatimeant2say

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