It Turns Out I Had the Right Plot, Just the Wrong James Bond Movie

Well, I’m just not sure exactly how to feel about this latest development in the whole fortune-cookie-threat saga.  The day after I posted my very understandably paranoid post, I received this e-mail,

“My guess is:

The real test in life is not
keeping out of the rough, but
getting out after you are in it.

Love, Dad”

My dad, who has always been a genius with word puzzles, seems to have cracked the less-comminative-than-I-thought cookie code.  And that is somewhat disappointing because his guess makes a lot of sense – and does not encompass nearly as much drama as my own solution to my torn fortune.  I was kind of liking the whole living-on-the-edge-while-I-wait-for-Goldfinger-to-take-me-hostage-and-demand-ransom-from-my-long-suffering-husband -Cap’n Firepants feeling of suspense.  Even though, really, the only part of that which would cause me apprehension would be wondering if Cap’n Firepants would, even for a moment, actually entertain the thought of paying any ransom for my return.

Plus, the obvious allusion to golf in this fortune clearly points to the fact that Fate did screw things up, and I got the fortune meant for my husband (an avid golfer), which means he got my fortune, and neither one of us can remember what that fortune actually said.  So, my future is crumpled up at the bottom of some landfill, and my father, who thinks he did me a favor by solving the mystery, has actually plummeted me into a deeper depression because now my whole world is completely upside-down, what with Fate being about as infallible as the soon-to-be-retired Pope and my future buried under a dirty diaper.

But then I thought…

“Hey, how do I know that e-mail was from my dad?”  I mean, I never actually watched Goldfinger, but surely any respectable James Bond villain could hack into an e-mail account, right?

Oh, and I just Googled Goldfinger, and GUESS WHAT!!!?  (besides the fact that you should never Google anything that includes the word “finger”)  Goldfinger. Loved to. Play. Golf.

And I’m back in business.

I'm pretty sure those same characters are on my fortune.  At least some of them. credit: johanoomen via photopin cc

I’m pretty sure those same characters are on my fortune. At least some of them. Maybe.  Actually, that doesn’t even look like Chinese…
photo credit: johanoomen via photopin cc

Posted on February 12, 2013, in Cap'n Firepants, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 25 Comments.

  1. May I suggest that turning to fortune cookies to understand your future is not, in fact, the most accurate way forward. I, myself, prefer the reading of tea leaves. If all else fails, at least I’ve enjoyed a good cuppa’!

  2. I think you’re just going to have to tell your husband to take you out to dinner again. You need another fortune cookie.

  3. I agree with muddledmom

  4. OMG. This fortune-cookie thing is OUT of CONTROL. You should write a novel or screenplay based on it. I bet Dan Craig would play Bond for you. I look forward to more of the Fortune Cookie Diaries…. keep us informed!

  5. You should be a stand-up comic!

  6. I shudder to think of the google results on “Goldfinger”…
    Someone really might be out to get you. Clearly, the plot has thickened. Sleep with a nerf gun under your pillow just in case. That’s always good for taking out those Cold War-era hit men.

  7. I think in keeping with your new James bond status, you have no choice but to get a hi-tech golf club that can double as a wifi antenna, telescope, wonderbutt-subduer, dimples-husher, and classroom-ant-coraller.
    (Just don’t play golf with it, or it will mess up the other stuff.)

  8. …never Google anything that includes the word “finger” – *snicker*

    I know I’m showing my age, but Sean Connery has always been the only Bond for me. Love that album cover. 🙂

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