You Should Call Them “Fun to Laugh at People Who Think They’re Ever Going To Save Money With These” Cards

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I am beginning to hate shopping. Actually, I still like shopping; it’s the purchasing part that I’ve come to dread. Lately, it’s feeling more and more like I’m subjecting myself to a final exam every time I walk up to the cash register – and not only didn’t I study for it, but I slept through every lecture.

“May I have your phone number?”

“I don’t give that out.”

“Well, do you receive our offers by mail?”

“Yes.” (No, I don’t. But I don’t want you to ask me for my address.)

“Because it’s all tied in to your phone number.”

“I don’t give that out.”

She eyes me suspiciously.  “Okay, well do you have the Fun Cards we gave you last time?”

“No, I thought I couldn’t use them today because you’re having a sale.”

“Oh, you can’t. I was just asking.” Uh huh. You were trying to trick me into trying to use them. But I can’t use them anyway. Not only because you are having a sale, but because they are expired – and I lost them anyway.

“So, is this all together?”

“No, my daughter is paying for that pile, and I am paying for the one that I am holding and haven’t put on the counter yet.”

“Well, we could do them both together.”

“I kind of separated them for a reason.” I don’t want to do them all together. But I guess that’s not the right answer either…

“That’s okay. I can ring them all up at the same time.”

“But she is paying with cash, and I am paying with my debit card.”

“That’s okay. We can still do them together. It’s no problem, really.”

So my daughter and I (and the three people standing behind me) wait, while she uses a calculator to figure out how much my daughter’s share is, then rings up mine, and uses a calculator to figure out what my grade share is. After cash is handed over, change is returned, debit card is swiped, and receipt is signed, our purchase is finally bagged.

“There! Now, you’ve earned 100,000,000 dollars in Fun Cards and you can use them starting April 1st. You can even use them together.”

“Thank you. I will put these in my wallet, and I will be sure, on April Fool’s Day, to make a special trip to your store so I can buy an entire wardrobe of inappropriate attire for my daughter.”

“Thank you for shopping with us.”

Thank you for taking the joy out of my day and making the people behind me hate me for taking so long.

“Mom, now let’s go to Bath and Body Works!  We can use those coupons you threw away in the garbage and I fished out.”


Posted on March 15, 2013, in Dimples, Fashion, Humor and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 30 Comments.

  1. I know exactly what you mean: all the stores want you to get a rewards card (aka: credit card), or use their discount card (otherwise, they’ll overcharge you?), give them your zip code, or phone number, or they ask for some sort of donation for some sort of “cause”…. I just wanted to buy this candle?! Great blog, thanks!

    • Yes – the “cause” thing drives me crazy! I’m ready to hit “yes” on the debit card machine for “Is amount okay?” and instead it says, “Do you want to donate $10 to homeless pets?” Arggh!

  2. Haha, sometimes I wonder about those people at the check outs.

  3. southerndreamer

    What I’ve begun to hate are the little cards. I have over half a dozen fobs on my key chain for shopping. Why not just have cheap prices at the get go? *sigh*

  4. What? They didn’t ask for your zip code and email too?
    It’s like an interrogation these days just to purchase your stuff and get the heck out of Dodge!
    This has turned me into an online shopper. Sure they still want your full bio before you check out, but at least there aren’t people waiting in line while you type it out.
    Clearly Dimples is still unjaded by the whole thing. 🙂

  5. Know what you mean about discount cards, I just use quidco now for online cash back. We use loyalty cards at my work (work in a toy shop) but it’s just the rubber stamp/sticker variety, can’t see any justification for a loyalty card to be any more than that, no phone numbers/personal details needed. If a store really wants to reward loyalty it shouldn’t be interrogating those loyal customers, just give them their reward.

  6. Reading posts like this are for me a chance to look into the future. We have none of this over here, (ireland) but i’m sure sometime soon it will arrive. Something else after “Barney” to hate you for!

  7. I was one of the people seething in the queue!

  8. I don’t have the patience for encounters like that.
    I also have an ability to shout embarrassing things about marriage in response to questions when the cashier goes beyond my tolerance levels.
    (Fortunately, my wife feels the same way.)

  9. I feel ya. It almost makes me want to shop at Walmart, where they don’t play these games……. almost.

  10. Yep super annoying! I hate when they say, “can I have your email so you can get awesome deals and promotions?” And I tell them I already get their emails – and they still want it to “update it”.

  11. I couldn’t agree more! Check-out people are making things increasingly more awkward and laborious for those of us who JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND EAT CHEESECAKE. (Did I just project all over your blog? Sorry!)

  12. omg. i love this post because we spent FOUR hours shopping yesterday – me and three of the kids. crazy 8’s lady was the worst. “can i have your phone number?” “no.” “would you like email notifications of sales?” “no.” “do you have a crazy 8 card with us?” “no.” “would you like a crazy 8 card with us?” “no.” the check-out people are nazis. and i HATE getting the coupons that start in four months. ridiculous.

    • We are seriously going to run into each other one of these days. Then we can join forces against these evil people.

    • At old jobs I did used to have to do the whole shpeil you’re describing, basically the bosses watch your numbers for sign ups of email and cards and you end up under review if the numbers are too low. It’s one of the reasons I left those kinds of jobs: too much stress and the customer hates you instead of the head office idiot who came up with the shpeil.

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