Mrs. Cap’n Firepants Trades Nothing for Something and Ends Up Playing for the Philadelphia Phillies

So, first of all, I am totally psyched that The Daily Show returns tonight.  My daughter wants to become a teacher because she gets summers off.  I said, “No, you need to be Jon Stewart because he gets two weeks off for every holiday, plus the entire summer – in both hemispheres.”  Not that I’m bitter or anything.  Just suffering from separation anxiety.

“Who’s Jon Stewart?” my daughter asked.


In other news, my anti-depressants seem to be somewhat working, which means my That-Idea-is-Stupid-Filter is working again.  Which means it’s very difficult to think of blog topics.  The only reason I am typing anything now is because I forgot to take my lunchtime dose, so my filter is being stomped down by the amazingly strong irritation that I begin to feel when things start wearing off.

I always thought people were idiots for refusing to take their medication because they lost their creativity, and now I’m beginning to understand it a bit.  I mean, it’s nice to go 12 hours without feeling an overwhelming desire to slit my wrists, but it does seem like I generate a whole lot more writing ideas when I’m miserable.

I don’t see why there has to be a trade-off.  I mean, there is such a thing as getting something for nothing, despite what your mother may have told you.  I just heard about Mike Cisco being traded to the Los Angeles Angels for no compensation.  Nada.  (That means “nothing”, right?  I mean, I’ve never really checked, but I’m just guessing from the context clues.  If it means something else, and it happens to be offensive, I completely apologize.)

So, anyway, the Angels got Cisco for nothing.  I don’t see why I can’t get my sanity for nothing.  My sanity certainly doesn’t effect as many people as a baseball player, who I admit I never heard of, but whose trade qualifies him for the Yahoo sports page.  You’re not going to see my trade on any sports page, so I’m pretty sure that means that I am worth less than Cisco.  Ergo, I should get my sanity for less than nothing.

Reading that over, it seems like there might be some fault in that logic, but I can’t really be bothered with such trifling trivialities.  It’s almost time for The Daily Show and my bulldog is demanding my presence on our armchair.  And if Jon Stewart talks about the Cisco trade, I want all of you to be my witness that I brought it up first.  That’s what he gets for going on a two week vacation.

The problem is, I don't have a trading card.  I need to work on from:

The problem is, I don’t have a trading card. I need to work on that.
photo from:


Posted on March 25, 2013, in Blogging, Depression, Dimples, Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Confusingly delightful. Enjoy JS… 🙂

  2. Have I told you that you are adorable?

  3. I miss Jon down here, too…

  4. I actually prefer Steven Colbert, but he also takes a ridiculous amount of vacations, so I feel ya. I’m sorry about your dilemma. Sounds like your having to choose between the lesser of two evils and it’s no fun when suicide starts to become your constant companion.

  5. Having a filter on your thinking and writing is overrated. I like you off the meds (except for the slitting of wrists thing). Cisco, on the other hand – NOT overrated, apparently…..

  6. I think it’s Jon Stewarts’ loss that he doesn’t have you available as a source of material.

    (And glad to hear the meds are working!)

  7. That Cisco…kid, he’s not as pretty as you. (Did you see what I did there? And before my morning coffee, too.) *smirk*

  8. I saw Jon Oliver do stand-up this past weekend. He was wayyyyy funnier than I could have ever imagined. Daily Show’s summer is in good hands.

  9. I like your tag, OMG I WROTE A SPORTS POST. My husband is always embarrassed at the lack of sports knowledge I have. I am glad you are feeling better!!

  10. Please define “sanity”… y’know, for those of us who don’t know what that is… 😉

  11. makes perfect sense to me!

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