Is Committing a Crime Going to Be What it Takes for Me to Get Good Hair?

Lately, I’ve been obsessing about Jodi Arias.

When they show clips of the trial on my favorite news channel, HLN, I stand in front of the television, transfixed, and ask myself, “Why?  Why?  Why?”

Why does her hair look so friggin’ good while she is in prison?

I’m serious.  This is driving me crazy.  I mean, I know her hair isn’t all that glamorous right now, and people are claiming she’s deliberately looking mousy to deceive the jury.  But, look carefully.

No split ends.  No frizz.  PERFECTly straight.

Do they let her wield a straight-iron in jail?  Does she even have permission to possess a comb?  What kind of shampoo is she allowed to use?  How does she get those locks to look so shiny and thick?  Isn’t stress supposed to have a negative impact on your hair?  Is she one of those people who shakes her head when you say, “You are so lucky to have such straight hair,” and responds, “I’ve always wanted it curly”?

I hate those people.

I really need for this trial to be over.  I keep going to the store and loitering in the hair product aisle, trying to reconstruct the crime of Jodi Arias’ flawless tresses.  I wake up in the morning, and eye all of the bottles and appliances lined up in my bathroom and debate who I can put on trial for deceiving me with false promises of frizz-free hair and ends that will reconcile with each other and refuse to split after all.

I know.  I know.  I’m missing the whole point of this unbelievably long, drawn-out courtroom drama.  Jodi Arias has a lot more important things to worry about besides her unbelievably healthy hair.

Like how to score a facial before her next mugshot.

Or, during her next mugshot…

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Posted on May 3, 2013, in Fashion, Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 28 Comments.

  1. I don’t know who she is. I do know that mug shots are usually not particularly flattering. Nick Nolte’s comes to mind. Maybe that’s when the makeover team whips into action?

    Maybe it’s not conditioner that makes her hair look so good. Maybe it’s guilt?

  2. hahhaaha! She does have crazy nice hair for a prison inmate. But, I assume that she gets to get dolled up for the trial. I am one of those crazy straight haired people, but as I’ve aged, I now have lots of gray hairs that poke out randomly if that makes you feel any better. And, now it’s frizzy (unlike my high school days where I could wash it, sleep on it and wake to find it long and straight like rapunzel’s) and I have to use a flat iron if I want it to look nice.

  3. Maybe she’ll get acquitted and come out with her own line of Jailhouse Beauty Products. Anyone who uses them will have great hair, smooth skin and a black soul…

  4. I don’t know who this person is but amazing hair in prison? Impossible! Maybe her lawyer moonlights as a stylist?

  5. I had to google Jodi Arias…

  6. I love the way you think. I had similar thoughts about Foxy Knoxy. Her complexion was pristine. Prison didn’t age her at all. Not even one in another country!

  7. Her fingernails look manicured too!

  8. I love my curly hair. Everybody tells me how beautiful it is. Jodi’s hair needs a little curl in it and she wouldn’t look so mousey.

  9. In prison, you have nothing else to do but take care of yourself. Look how buff all the inmates are in those prison movies.

  10. it’s casey anthony all over again. plus jodi has nice lips and eyebrows. ugh.

  11. I agree. I found myself a little jealous of her hair and then thought that is really ironic because she is probably insanely jealous of my freedom. 🙂

  12. I totally agree. She has beautiful, thick, straight hair. I’m not sure how she manages to keep it like that. Everyone wakes up with ‘bed head’ hair…except for Jodi Arias. Surely she doesn’t have access to any styling tools such as a blow dryer, boar bristle round brush, flat iron or shears…all of which could do some serious damage if used improperly. And, what about those little wisps of bangs strategically placed to one side of her forehead?! They have been round brushed or curled under. I’m tempted to write to her and ask what her secret is….pertaining to her hair. Not so crazy about her lips though. She’s got ‘snake mouth’. Look closely at photos of her and you’ll see a hole in the middle of her mouth when her lips are together.

  13. I didn’t notice it right away. I’ve never seen anyone else with a mouth like that! It looks weird. It’s one of those things you can’t un-see.

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