We Tried to Make You a Gift, But Hobby Lobby Screwed it Up

You know how you try to save yourself money on a gift, but you tell yourself that it would be more meaningful to make something than buy something and then you proceed to spend more money than you ever would have spent on a store-bought gift as you attempt to make something that turns out crappy and you try to fix it and it turns out crappier and then you think, “Who needs friends who are going to criticize your gifts anway?  I’m just going to sit at home and watch The Big Bang Theory by myself for the rest of my life,” and you can’t even find a garbage bag big enough to fit the Giant Pinterest-Inspired Disaster that cost you $200?

Yeah.

So, it’s the end of the school year.  Teacher gift time.  Only this year is my daughter’s last year in elementary school, so she has decided to bestow 9 gifts upon the various people who have enriched her life.  And, reeling from a Pinterest induced stupor, I suggested a project.

This was the project.  Don't get excited.  Our version looks NOTHING LIKE THIS.   from:  http://kojo-designs.com

This was the project. Don’t get excited. Our version looks NOTHING LIKE THIS.
from: http://kojo-designs.com

I spent my entire Sunday trying to find the supplies for this project, which included chalkboard contact paper.

There was no chalkboard contact paper to be found.  I went to 5 stores.

I would like to take this opportunity to give Home Depot, Walmart, Michael’s, and Target the following advice – if you stocked your stores based on Pinterest boards you would make so much more money.  And your employees would not look at me like I’m on crack when I ask for chalkboard contact paper.

The only reason I didn’t go to 6 stores is because Hobby Lobby is closed on Sundays.  So, I improvised.  It turns out that my craft improvisations are just as successful as my recipe ad-libs.

I directed my daughter to use her chalk on the black shelf paper I had purchased.  It looked great.  Only problem?  It smeared like crazy.

“Oh, I know what to do about this,” I said, and went to the bathroom.

To get hairspray.

I sprayed the hairspray on a swathe of chalk designs.  They faded into black.

I tried 3 different hairsprays.  My daughter was getting a bit panicked as I systematically set about destroying her nine masterpieces.

“Okay, that’s not working.”

She sighed.

The next day, I borrowed some super fancy spray for chalk drawings from the art teacher.

“You’re not going to spray that in the house?” Cap’n Firepants asked.

“I’m just checking to see if it works,” I said as I asphyxiated the two of us.

It didn’t.

I told the art teacher, who then recommended chalk markers, which will apparently not smear, but can be removed easily with water. ( I didn’t really pay attention to the water removal option, as I figured, why would anyone want to remove my daughter’s beautiful artwork?)

“Where can I find this miraculous product?”

“Oh, Hobby Lobby should have it.”

So, Dimples and I trekked to Hobby Lobby.  Which was open.  Because it was not Sunday.  We found the chalk markers.  Right next to the chalkboard contact paper.

Dimples did not want to re-cover every notebook with chalkboard contact paper, so we opted for the markers.  But I bought the paper anyway.  For the inevitable next time I will need it.   I also threw in some chalkboard paint.  You can never have too many chalkboarding options.

She redecorated every notebook using the markers.

She put them on the floor to dry.

I think you can see from the pictures what happened next.

chalk2

Poor Wonderbutt had no idea why I blew a gasket when all he was doing was chewing on his ball.

chalk1

But I don’t blame Wonderbutt.  I blame Hobby Lobby.  FOR NOT BEING OPEN ON A SUNDAY WHICH IS THE ONLY DAY THAT I HAVE TIME TO DO PROJECTS THAT I FOUND AT THE LAST MINUTE ON PINTEREST.

I’m going to buy gift cards tomorrow.

And they won’t be for Hobby Lobby.

 

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Posted on June 4, 2013, in Children, Family, Humor, Parenting, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. I think this may be my favourite post, like, EVER! You rock (and I totally agree that home-made gifts often end up costing more than bought ones).

  2. Who isn’t open on Sundays anymore? That’s just craziness! I could have made a design that looked like it was chalk in photoshop.

    Also, my reader isn’t updating me with your posts which is weird and annoying. I wonder what else I’m not getting…

  3. Wonderbutt should be contrite. After all, his reputation for eating most anything, like furniture and styrofoam, is well known. He doesn’t look contrite at all though, just incensed at the suggestion, however strongly expressed, of his guilt. Great post.

  4. What a cute idea. What a cute doggie. Ummmm. Everybody loves a gift card….

    • The only problem is that I’m broke from spending all of that money on the craft supplies. Do you think the cashier will laugh at me if I ask her to put just $1 on the gift card?

  5. BOL brilliant!! Paw wonderbutt

  6. 😀 Oh I so get this one. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone the “homemade” route with disastrous results. I just couldn’t have put it into words with quite the humour that you manage.

  7. I have gone the homemade gift route. May I politely suggest a box of chocolates from the drugstore?

  8. On the other hand, if it had gone horribly wronger, you would have blamed WB for not ruining it.
    Oh life, you wicked tempstress…

  9. been there before many times. which is why there are keywords i look for when searching pinterest ideas. like “chalkboard contact paper.” i’d not heard of that until i read this and so that would have been my clue that it was too advanced a project for me. i don’t stray much past: glue, paper, scissors, ruler. I hope the teachers loved their gift cards today. and I hope you had a fabulous fifth grade graduation and last day, too. 😀

    • I still have one more day – Friday. Dimples is done, though. I’m trying not to think about it. At least you have a couple more kids to go through elementary after your son, so maybe it won’t seem so final for you.

  10. It’s the thought that counts? Seriously you can end up in a cardboard box underneath the highway if you aren’t careful buying teacher gifts.

  11. You are hilarious, I agree– if you stocked your stores based on Pinterest boards you would make so much more money.–
    Hobby Lobby, you need to be open on Sunday, that’s when your ad/coupon comes out, don’t you realize church people do crafts on Sunday? Er…think of it as: an offering. Religious organizations are always looking for: an offering; if you feel guilty being open on a Sunday, give your profits to the charity of your choice.

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