Trying to Live Without Jon Stewart

I blame it all on Jon Stewart. I mean, the man leaves for a 3 month vacation, and of course my newish anti-depressant, which was working just fine for three weeks, abandons me at the same exact time.  This can not be a coincidence.

I’m sure my abysmal attitude has nothing to do with my Groundhog Day week of chauffeuring my daughter back and forth from synchronized swimming practice as she prepares to compete at Nationals.

Or with the fact that my hair stylist, who told me in no uncertain terms 5 years ago that he would not give me bangs, inexplicably and with no warning, suddenly gave me a Frankenstein cut yesterday.

My less-than-positive reaction to both of those incidents is a symptom of the problem – not the cause.

No, it’s definitely Jon Stewart’s absence. And even though John Oliver is a worthy replacement, he is not Jon. I mean, for crying out loud, he has an “h” in his first name.

And I’m not the only one effected. The Bloggess is also missing him. Though she didn’t say it in so many words. Actually she didn’t say it in any words. But she’s depressed, too, and I’m pretty sure that’s the reason.

I saw this video on an education blog today, of all places, and because the world revolves around me, I realized the song writer was actually speaking to me when he wrote it, although it appears it was written at least 4 years ago so that would be an amazing example of prescience that should probably be investigated by scientists, or at least by Anderson Cooper.

As I am a generous person, I thought I would share it with those of you who might also be dealing with the gaping hole that Jon Stewart’s dereliction of duty may have left in your life.

I’ve included the transcript that was on Larry Ferlazzo’s site, where I originally found the video.  Thanks, Bombadil, for believing I can conquer my affliction of the brain.

So Many Ways To Die
so many ways to die
so many ways to stay alive
but if you wouldn’t mind to wait a while
you could give another day a try
you tell me all that you cherished is through
well that’s not true it isn’t true
it isn’t true
i read it in the news it is but really isn’t you
you are exactly who you choose
you’re only lying to you
so many ways to think
how differently we interpret the brink
between the side of life worth living
and the point at which you’re better off to sink
so many ways to laugh
chortle chuckle giggle cachinnate guffaw like william howard taft
science has proven it’s correlated
with the number of days your life will pass
so many ways to die
so many different ways to lie
should a community allow
or should society continue to deny
what could i say where do you go
what could i do what could i know
so many different lives
so many different ways to hide
but if you open your shutters
you might find the joy that only lives outside
so many ways to dance
so many different meanings for glance
but you only get a few if you keep staring at your shoes
you will miss every single chance
three thousand different ways
they could’ve rearranged your dna
but I believe just for today that
you can conquer your affliction of the brain


Posted on June 14, 2013, in Death, Depression, Humor and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 20 Comments.

  1. Oh, no! Not a bad haircut! I feel sometimes like I can face anything if I have a good haircut. But a bad haircut? I have literally hid under a blanket for days. I’m so sorry. I hope things turn around soon!

  2. hownottokillyourparents

    I completely agree about John vs. Jon, and would completely understand that being the cause of your difficulty. Change is hard. But we’ll get through it.

  3. Yup. It may be time to step up the dosage, at least till Jon gets back.

  4. 😦 sorry it got bad again! I bet you no one else thinks your hair looks bad- only you.

  5. That video just confirms (re-confirms?) that no matter how bad it gets, there are loads more serious nutters in the world than we few who miss Jon…

  6. Who the hell is Jon Stewart?

    • He is the hilarious host of The Daily Show, but he is currently on a break to direct a movie. I would recommend that you watch him some time, but I guess that would probably be like a friend advising someone to smoke marijuana.

  7. oh how I’ve missed my blog reading! back to my normal life! NATIONALS!!! holy moly. that’s big-time! I wish her all the best. that is great. your hair? it will grow out? that’s what I always tell myself – as I’ve been the recipient of many a style that didn’t quite “work.” jon? he’ll be back. and he probably misses you, too? the video – hilarious.

    • Thanks, on the Nationals thing. It’s one of those, Hooray – Oh, Crap feelings. Hooray she qualified, and Oh, Crap how am I going to pay for this? It’s in California. Her dad is going with her; long story.

  8. “for crying out loud, he has an “h” in his first name.”


  9. I think you’ll be alright.
    As long as you don’t start watching Death To Smoochy on repeat just to get a fix…

  10. Thanks again for adding a smile to my day. I wonder if Jon realizes his impact on some of his followers. Just got this “vision” of you marching solo on the final day of his show (whenever that may be), holding a sign saying, “No, Jon! Say it’s not so! DON’T GO!!”

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