You’re Either Part of the Problem or All of the Problem or You Could Be the Solution. Or a Chemical Mixture. I Never Really Understood Science. Or Math.

So, it’s finally come to this – a bittersweet day on which I have decided to make a confession of a deep, dark secret that I’ve been hiding for months.

I decided to “come out” finally as a service to my readers who may be experiencing this same issue.  It helps to know that you’re not alone. At least, it helps if you’re selfish like me and are comforted by the fact that others are suffering along with you.  And if there are no readers experiencing this same issue, then I guess I am alone.  And that kind of bites, but oh well.  I’m sure you have your own ways of suffering.

So, here’s the thing.  I now have over 1000 subscribers.  Woohoo.  I mean, awesome, right?  

But less people read my blog per day now than they did a month after I started.  Two years ago.  A lot less.

Basically, let’s say I used to have 30 or 40 daily readers out of every 50 subscribers.  

Now I still have about 30 or 40 readers.

Okay, so, somehow I managed to miss having to take Statistics in college, but I’m pretty sure that a graph of my numbers would look equivalent to one reflecting the success of Lindsay Lohan’s career over the last decade.

And I have way more fun and talent than Lindsay Lohan, so that hardly seems like a fair comparison.

Upon reflection, I’ve decided that the reason for this preposterous report of my readership could have one of the following causes:

Uno.)  99% of my blog subscribers are spammers who don’t actually read anyone’s blog, but apparently make tons of money off of pretending they do.

B.)  Jon Stewart is screwing up my blog stats on purpose so I will spend less time blogging and more time stalking writing love letters to him.

III.) WordPress hates me.

Four.)  People read one post, and think that I am fabulous, then realize that my writing sucks and stop reading.  But they are too lazy to unsubscribe.  

Quintuplets.)  The only people who are able to stumble across my blog are the ones who search for it by typing in, “my pants won the spelling bee?”  And, let’s face it, usually the shoes win the spelling bee, not the pants.

Obviously it’s B.

Now I have to think of a solution.  Certainly, I cannot allow Jon Stewart to completely change my life – unless there is some kind of financial profit involved on my part.  In the meantime, I must keep blogging, if only to prove that I can persevere through these difficult and trying times of unsatisfactory blog statistics.

If Jon Stewart is deliberately tanking your statistics, too, then I suggest you look to me as a role model and follow my lead in this.  Don’t stop blogging.  And don’t devote any more time than usual to stalking sending him communications of an admiring yet somewhat admonishing-him-for-not-paying-any-attention-to-you nature.  Trust me; it doesn’t work.  

As Dory from Finding Nemo says, “Just keep blogging and stop looking at your stupid blog stats because either Jon Stewart, the NSA, or terrorists are screwing them up.” 

Or something like that.





Posted on June 16, 2013, in Blogging, Depression, Humor, Writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 57 Comments.

  1. I’ m not sure if I should say I laughed or cried during this. I have lots of followers, by my standards, smiles, but on average there are 50 to 60 people I notice consistently, the rest, I just don’t know. I notice, but don’t care, as I’m thankful for when anyone reads what I have to say, laugh, smile. However, you’re right, either spammers, or who knows. But keep blogging friend, someone is listening. Smiles

  2. I read your posts on my email – maybe readers like me don’t show up on your stats? Anyway, please keep writing. You’re good at it.

    • I don’t know why I put so much stock on those stats since I really have no idea what they mean. I guess since I’m in Texas I just figured bigger is better – and not bigger is kind of not good?

      • Yep, I’m from New Zealand, so I’m quite pro-the-small. I get a bit freaked out if my reader number goes over 5. Which is sort of missing the point of blogging, I know.

  3. If we go with that theory, your readership should go up over the northern summer because Jon-Baby is too busy making his movie in the middle east to screw up your stats. Let me know if that happens?

  4. Yes! I’ve been noticing the exact same thing! I’ve been getting a ton of followers lately, but no one’s been reading my posts!

    Of course, I have this on a smaller scale because my blog’s not as popular as yours. It’s not at all unusual for me to get only one or two views a day, but I somehow have 64 followers. How does that work? I’ve been starting to think that maybe my blog is just really bad and I don’t know it.

    • Trust me – my blog is not any more popular than yours. However, on your comment thingamajigger, your blog is not linked to your name – so I can’t go over and visit. If it hadn’t been two years since I set mine up, I would help you fix that, but I can’t remember! You should definitely try to fix it, though, because now I’m curious and want to read your blog!

      • Really? I didn’t even know that was possible. I set it up through Gravatar by clicking on my profile picture, not through my name.

        Thanks for telling me! I hope it’s working now.

        And, yeah, your blog is more popular than mine. I’ve been following you for a long time now, and I’ve noticed that you always get nice comments! You do a good job. 🙂

  5. As a fellow ” thankful for anyone who reads my stuff” this is hilarious and tear provoking (in an I’m so there with ya sorta way) . What I mean to say is….well done! 🙂

  6. A blogger I follow wrote about the spam issue recently:

    There is one other theory that might work for your situation. If John Doe follows your blog today and stops blogging in two weeks, you still have the +1 follower count but not the potential reader. Now multiply that by several hundred.

  7. Thanks you much for the fine article of wich much information I have been needing is inside of. I will be sure to pay much visits and atention to all future articles of such good information. Keep up with the good hard work. And speaking of hard, I have for selling some magic pills that will make you like a tree in your soft areas. Only fifty glabotniks for a bottle that will give you much happy pants for a long time.

  8. Hmmm I would like to know how to become a spammer like in número UNO so I can make money as well.

  9. All this math gives me a blinding headache. But the simple solution to this discrepancy between followers and visits is to do what I do. Click on your blog yourself 800 times a day. You’ll be surprised how your visits will skyrocket. It’s like voodoo!

  10. I also noticed something similar. To counteract it I am branching out. Joining twitter and instagram, and maybe if I get my act together, facebook too. Then I am finding my followers, old and new and telling them a few times a day about that days post along with cute pigtures and little facts. I like commenting on other blogs and when I find the time to do that I find more people come to mine and comment too.

    Sometimes it’s really disheartening but other times I just think, well I’m only doing it for fun, why stress. The people who do say hi and like my posts are now good friends of mine and that means a lot!

    Don’t panic, social network and branch out and you’ll be sure to get something in return.

    Whee love you!

    Nibbles, Nutty, Buddy & Basil

  11. pouringmyartout’s comment made me snort. I say spammers or not – be thankful. I have zero subscribers and about two readers of my blog (me and the occasional person who is looking for something else and accidentally pulls up my blog). it’s kind of like when you go to the mailbox and it’s full and you’re like, “i’m so popular.” but, then you realize the letters all say “You Just Won A Million Dollars!” and you realize you’re not popular at all…….but, kind of because your mailbox is still full? wait. does that just happen to me?

  12. I hear you! We have around 650 followers and average 15 – 20 likes per post. I’d rather have 30 real followers and hit it out of the park with 20 likes each and every post. This blogging messes with the mind and sometimes it just plain hurts. I’m going to have to find an idol to blame it all on.

  13. Has Wonderbutt had access to your computer? Wouldn’t surprise me.

  14. Love the post though I have a completely opposite problem. My readers are three times my followers. When I post something new people read but none actually follow. Should this make me happy? I really want followers but I guess having read this I should be happy with readers.

    • Oh yes. I have that problem on my other blog – my professional one. Weirdly, it is about very stuffing, boring, educational topics, but always gets more views than this one. However, it only has 300 followers. I think there needs to be a new math invented that you take instead of Calculus – Blog Logic.

  15. Stuff the stats – you are my humour hero!

  16. Not wanting to pee on your bonfire but you haven’t linked your blog to any other accounts like a twiitter account (if not why not you would rock on twitter!) Typits linked the blog to twitter and my followers jumped by over 1000 overnight – I felt very loved until I realised what was happening!

    • I have considered it – the Twitter thing, not the bonfire peeing one – but I am not sure I can commit to one more social network. I already have 3 blogs and maintain a website. If I could just get Wonderbutt to start tweeting instead of barking, it might work.

  17. I can’t think of anything else useful to add here that hasn’t already been said but thought one more comment might make you feel better. 🙂

  18. 1. Stop writing letters to my boyfriend, Jon Stewart.
    C. Math is confusing.
    D. I don’t understand blogging stats either. I just keep writing away and crossing my fingers that someone other than my dad reads my stuff.

    • Great response! But, of course, I will only stop writing to Jon if there is a court order. Which would make me supremely happy because that would mean HE ACKNOWLEDGES MY EXISTENCE! 🙂

  19. What are these “Statistics” you speak of?

  20. I have the same problem

  21. southerndreamer

    😀 Maybe Jon Stewart is in cahoots with the NSA.
    Actually, I did a test, and if people read from their email, then no, it doesn’t ping your blog and count as a view.

    I think there must be other loopholes too or maybe only really lazy people follow my blog, b/c I’m now averaging at least one new follower per post, often more. Yet, my views are kinda meh. Clearly the numbers lie!

  22. Same thing for me. I think a lot of it is spammers and people who used to blog and stopped so they no longer go to WordPress to read any blogs.

  23. 😦 darn! Well, I hope I am not screwing your stats if they don’t count when read through the email?

  24. I know many (possibly most) of my followers read through email and/or RSS feeds, not by going to the actual site. You can change it so that they only get the first paragraph or so and then they have to “click to the read more”, which will take them to your site. I haven’t done that, though, because I am lazy 😀

  25. I have read your post, clicked I’m walking away quietly never to return……..nah! your writings great, keep doing what you do best and stop looking at the stats

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