So Does This Mean I Won’t Be Covered Under the New Health Care Plan?

I was watching Roswell with my daughter the other night on Netflix (and no, I would not recommend it – not because it’s scary, because it definitely isn’t – but mostly because the guy who is supposed to be sexy just gives me the creeps, and I consider a television show a complete waste of time if I can’t have a crush on the lead actor) when it suddenly hit me that I am an alien.

It makes perfect sense when you think about it.  And now that you are reading this, you are obviously thinking about it.  But, you might have to think about it a bit longer than this to see the logic that led me to this conclusion. So, I guess I can’t say, “It makes perfect sense when you think about it.”  Because that implies an immediacy to the sense-making that probably doesn’t really happen until you get a little more information.  So, a better statement would be, “It makes perfect sense after you read the following paragraphs that give you the scientific reasoning that clearly leads to this conclusion, and no other.”

All my life I have been fearing that I would contract my mother’s hypochondria.  The last few years, I have been consulting a few different doctors for various ailments that seem to elude any kind of definitive diagnosis.  Thus, leading me to reluctantly admit that I, indeed, have developed full onset hypochondria with disturbingly realistic symptoms.  I mean, if there is something really wrong with me, wouldn’t some doctor have figured it out by now?

Not. If. I. Have. An. Alien. Anatomy.

This would totally explain those times when I am positive than I have a raging fever, and the thermometer says my temp is 96.2.  Well, for humans, that would be a bit low, but normal.  But for an alien, that could very well be dangerously close to my brain exploding!

If I even have a brain.

My alien anatomy also completely supports my supposition that I am genuinely ill with some kind of real health issue and proves that my doctors’ implications that my pain is all in my head is just an indication that they are not well-versed in the physiology of other creatures who deserve to be treated without being accused of mental health problems.

I feel a bit sorry for my daughter because this all clearly means that she has some difficult times ahead of her.  But, at least she will not have to worry about inheriting my hypochondria.

Whew.  Dodged that bullet.

Does anyone know if Dr. Who is taking new patients?  There's 11 of them - surely one has an opening in his calendar...

Does anyone know if Dr. Who is taking new patients? There’s 11 of them – surely one has an opening in his calendar…

Advertisements

Posted on July 17, 2013, in Humor, Phobia, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. We have lots of aliens in Sedona. I’m sure there’s a doctor here who could help you.

  2. Spastic Sausage

    I also suffered from a list of ailments as long as my left pant leg that left the doctors stumped for the longest time. I was almost and alien but it turns out I had sleep apnea. Now I have to sleep with this monstrous Bane/Darth Vader mask….hmmmm maybe I AM an alien too. An Alien Overlord cause I get the cool headgear!

  3. I totally get not watching a show if you can’t crush on the actor they meant for you to crush on. Jason and I started watching Homeland and at first I wasn’t into Sergent Brody, and I was like, meh. But he grew on me and now I think he is hot and love the show.

  4. I feel the same way. My grandmother actually thinks aliens came and mated with some humans and that’s why some of us are more evolved mentally than others.

  5. makes perfect sense!

  6. A perfectly logical explanation, Spock. Well done. Live long and prosper. 😉

  7. HEHE I agree with you having to crush on the lead actor, maybe thats why i like ‘sons of anarchy’

  8. Dr. Number 10 is much more handsome than the rest, in a sexy, nerdy sort of way. You should contact some alien relatives and get that scanner thing that Bones has on Star Trek. It’ll hook you right up!

  9. BTW, Quantum Leap and Scott Bakula. He’s my secret crush.

  10. I think the only real question now is: are you a legal or an illegal alien?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: