The Hypochondriac’s Guide to Using Pinterest

It takes a lot of work to sit down at your computer, open up your browser, and Google a bunch of symptoms.  Then, we are required to expend our remaining energy on focusing on the list of results so we can narrow it down to the exact fatal disease that is killing us this week. This requires a single-minded commitment that most of us do not possess.  So, we often end up finding all kinds of infirmities that don’t precisely fit our conditions, but have great potential for afflicting us in the future.  I don’t know how you deal with this plethora of plagues, but I used to save them all in bookmarks on my browser.  Just in case.  I mean, just because you don’t have Elephantiasis now doesn’t mean you won’t be swollen up by Christmas.  It’s important to be prepared.

Then it occurred to me that this is the exact type of situation for which Pinterest was invented.

Who needs boards full of cutesy craft projects,  ridiculously complicated recipes, and quippy quixotic quotes?

What I need is a board that shows me all of the different diseases I can get if I’m bitten by a tick in South America.

So, I set about creating my Pathophobic Pinterest Boards.

They include:  Parasites That Live Inside Humans, Skin Gone Wrong, Infections Caused by Sea Snails Under Your Skin, Can I Die From Inhaling Dog Farts on a Regular Basis?, What to Do If You Suspect You Have Ebola, and What Does It Mean When Your Left Eye Keeps Twitching?

Note that I added the Sea Snail pin to two boards because it is obviously a matter of Skin Gone Wrong as well as a prime example of Infections Caused by Sea Snails Under Your Skin.

You may notice that I have not actually pinned anything on to the Diseases You Get from Being Bitten By a Tick in South America board.  Google was very unhelpful on that subject.  But I’m leaving the board there.  Because I know that it’s only a matter of time.

The great thing about using Pinterest is that you are notified if someone else has pinned that exact same item on a board.  This is gratifying because then you can be comforted by the fact that you are not the only obsessive compulsive hypochondriac collecting potential diseases.

I am sure I will be adding more boards and pins soon.  In fact, I have been playing around with the idea of adding an Experimental Drugs That I Will Probably Need in the Future board because it’s really hard to keep track of those pesky trials and you never know when you’re going to need one.  The problem with adding that one is that I’m afraid the drug companies will get wind of my interest and hike up their prices and/or fabricate the results.

It’s difficult being a paranoid hypochondriac with a social network.

Pathophobic Pinterest Board

Advertisements

Posted on August 20, 2013, in Disease of the Day, Disorder of the Day, Humor, Phobia and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 39 Comments.

  1. lmao! you have some here! When I’m having one of my “I’m dying by a brain tumor” days, I can spend two hours searching the internet until I finally settle on take a Xanax and going to bet. works every time. lol

  2. And I thought Google was bad enough. Now I’ll find someone else’s board and think I may have that ailment? Great. But you’re right. It is a great way to keep up with all of those bookmarks I have for rashes and all of my misdiagnoses. (And let’s hope you never need the snail one.)

  3. When I googled ‘pathophobia’ (aka nosophobia, BTW) – just to be certain I knew exactly what it meant, I was told:

    “Pathophobia is always a great word to know.
    So is zedonk.”

    Apparently a zedonk is the offspring of a zebra and a donkey… The things I learn through subscribing to your blog!

    • Nosophobia just sounds wrong, I think. Like you’re afraid of facial protuberances. But I like zedonk. However, I would probably use it as an exclamation. “Zedonks, that’s the best looking nose I’ve ever seen!”

  4. As much as I enjoy visiting your blog, I won’t be spending any time on your Pinterest boards. I suffer from Pinterest Piners Prick Proboscis Prodigiously. That’s a phobia of looking at gross shit. Like nose pickers…who do it a lot.

    • I will try not to feel slighted by your non-visitation. Though I do promised not to add any nose picking pictures. I wonder if there are any diseases caused by that delightful habit?

  5. It’s no fun when you find out you’re not a hypochondriac but are actually prone to all kinds of fun diseases…You should have a board for cures, too.

  6. There is definitely noone like you!

  7. LOL Fun post:)

  8. I had no idea that pictures like that were on Pinterest. I must be looking at the wrong boards.

  9. Interesting post bout Pinterest:) Fun::)
    Vishal

  10. I will admit, when I saw the little boy with the snail in his knee, I began to review all the skinned knees I’ve had since I was two. Move over, little boy. My odds are right up there! For your sake, I’m glad that Pinterest has no limit on the number of boards you’re allowed to have….

  11. Oh this hits close to home for me. I have had to detox from using WebMD sympton checker lol

  12. Finally, a reason to use Pinterest!

  13. My cousin has over 30,000 pins, she has single-handily re pinned the entire Internet, and I do believe I have a new board to suggest to her!

  14. Wait – you did all that, and googling is too much work???

  15. Well, I only had time to pick one blog post from the Reader to open and enjoy this afternoon and yours really got my attention. Started with a smile and ended in a LOL. Doesn’t get any better than that! Thanks!

  16. you’re proving pinterest is good for everyone! I started with Irrational Fears and you’ve inspired me to add: Let’s Talk About Childhood, Repressed Memories, and Inkblot Tests!

  17. This is the first time anyone could get me interested in actually LOOKING at Pinterest! You could do a marketing campaign for them!

  1. Pingback: I Know EXACTLY How Miley Cyrus Feels | whatimeant2say

  2. Pingback: Do You Think This Could Work on Eliot Spitzer? | whatimeant2say

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: