Please Fix Your Website So I Can Sign My Dog Up for Affordable Health Care.
Our bulldog, Wonderbutt, has been growing increasingly disenchanted with his own bottom lately. To be honest, I know how he feels. But I think his unhappiness might not be for cosmetic reasons.
We took him to the vet yesterday, and she postulated that the poor guy might need a tail amputation.
Have you seen Wonderbutt’s butt? He has no tail.
I pointed this out to the vet, and she kindly explained that, despite the fact that he appears to be lacking in this region, he actually has a very deep “pocket” where the tail was supposed to be. And this pocket seems to be the source of our the poor guy’s discomfort. She showed me what they would amputate, and it looked to be about 1/3 of his butt. “And then it would just be one smooth region,” she said. I almost asked if they offered any two for one deals. But this vet is new to us and, so far, thinks that I am a somewhat sane pet owner. I’d like to keep it that way for at least a few more visits.
Of course, when I explained all of this to my husband, Cap’n Firepants, and showed him the bill for this consultation, he looked at me as though I had just grown a butt on my head and stuck a yellow tulip in the crack.
I am torn between being jealous of Wonderbutt for having a valid medical excuse for surgically shaping his butt and being sorry for him because we have no money in the household budget for a bulldog butt-sculpting operation. The less expensive alternative, which is for me to regularly clean the pocket and try to squeeze some poofs of some kind of magical powder into it, is sure to make both of us miserable.
So, for now, the daily scene in our household will be Wonderbutt running away from his butt and the woman who is trying to catch his butt so she can make it less threatening.
Perhaps the exercise will do both our butts some good.
Posted on November 7, 2013, in Dogs, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged bulldog, cosmetic surgery, humor, pets, vet, wonderbutt. Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.
hahahhahahaahaha LOVE this post…poor wunderbutt
I will extend your sympathy to Wonderbutt 🙂
Oops I spelled it wrong….hope he’s feeling better soon… 😀
I never thought the lack of a tail could be such a problem!
The things we do for our puppies! Poor Wonderbutt.
Bella has green lipped mussel powder sprinkled over her breakfast to improve her joint function (her hind legs click in and out of their joint sockets – not uncommon in a poodle). I wish I was joking.
I would have asked for a two for one deal on the bum-sculpting…
ARE THERE MUSSELS WITH GREEN LIPS?!!!! I swear you teach me something new every day. Sometimes I think Australia and the US are on completely different planets.
That being said, what color lips do other mussels have? And where, exactly, are their lips? AND why is it only the green lipped ones that help the joints? I think I need to do a research project.
Actually, GREEN lipped mussels are native to NZ, not Australia. There are some useful tips and a picture for your research project here:
Aw, poor Wonderbutt. Maybe squats would help him.
Not actually sure he can squat. Either that or he is always squatting. I think I need to look up the definition of a squat.
Poor Wonderbutt. My bum is broken, too. It has a crack in it.
You better have someone take a look at that.
It’s terrible. Seriously.
My Gracie has an Anal gland problem.. which must be “addressed” monthly. Although the cost isn’t great.. everything is relative, and it does “pinch” my budget. It’s been suggested that I put a sign on Gracie neck, and stand her on a street corner;
“NEED OPERATION.. PLEASE HELP”
(It just might work… HINT, HINT) LoL
I think I would be better off if I put the sign around MY neck. People would agree quite quickly that I need some sort of operation – and fast.
I love that you look on the positive in everything – maybe once you have finished chasing him around the house you could carry him from where he has laid and put him in his bed so that you could tone your arms? OO I see a fitness dvd coming in time for Christmas!!
Now that you mention it, I do need to work on my arm toning. I have threatened to make a Wonderbutt Workout video, but I think that’s already been done. Probably not in quite the same format as mine would appear, though.
Yours would be better!!
I have cats. I can’t even imagine a cat allowing me to get a good look at their butt (unless of course I am trying to eat. Then they present it to me nicely). Poor Wonderbutt!
Gosh, that is so true about cats giving you a good look a their butt whenever you really don’t want it!
Poor Wonderbutt. Despite my sympathy for him (and you), you totally “cracked” me up with this line: “…he looked at me as though I had just grown a butt on my head and stuck a yellow tulip in the crack.”
I’m still laughing!
That line went through several revisions, so I’m glad you liked it. I couldn’t decide on quite the right flower or the right color. There is a slideshow of about 50 images that went through my brain. Unfortunately, the slide show still remains, despite a firm commitment to the final selection.
Sounds like fun. Butt pocket cleaning. What’s not to love?? *gulp*
Highlight of my day!
I have never heard of such a thing!
Oh my god. Poor Wonderbutt! I wish I wasn’t laughing so hard at his expense. If he has the operation, does he then become the Buttless Wonder?