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Do you see a tail? What happened to my tail?

Our bulldog, Wonderbutt, has been growing increasingly disenchanted with his own bottom lately.  To be honest, I know how he feels.  But I think his unhappiness might not be for cosmetic reasons.

We took him to the vet yesterday, and she postulated that the poor guy might need a tail amputation.

Have you seen Wonderbutt’s butt?  He has no tail.

I pointed this out to the vet, and she kindly explained that, despite the fact that he appears to be lacking in this region, he actually has a very deep “pocket” where the tail was supposed to be.  And this pocket seems to be the source of our the poor guy’s discomfort.  She showed me what they would amputate, and it looked to be about 1/3 of his butt. “And then it would just be one smooth region,” she said.  I almost asked if they offered any two for one deals.  But this vet is new to us and, so far, thinks that I am a somewhat sane pet owner.  I’d like to keep it that way for at least a few more visits.

Of course, when I explained all of this to my husband, Cap’n Firepants, and showed him the bill for this consultation, he looked at me as though I had just grown a butt on my head and stuck a yellow tulip in the crack.

I am torn between being jealous of Wonderbutt for having a valid medical excuse for surgically shaping his butt and being sorry for him because we have no money in the household budget for a bulldog butt-sculpting operation.  The less expensive alternative, which is for me to regularly clean the pocket and try to squeeze some poofs of some kind of magical powder into it, is sure to make both of us miserable.

So, for now, the daily scene in our household will be Wonderbutt running away from his butt and the woman who is trying to catch his butt so she can make it less threatening.

Perhaps the exercise will do both our butts some good.

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