Please Fix Your Website So I Can Sign My Dog Up for Affordable Health Care.

Do you see a tail?  What happened to my tail?

Do you see a tail? What happened to my tail?

Our bulldog, Wonderbutt, has been growing increasingly disenchanted with his own bottom lately.  To be honest, I know how he feels.  But I think his unhappiness might not be for cosmetic reasons.

We took him to the vet yesterday, and she postulated that the poor guy might need a tail amputation.

Have you seen Wonderbutt’s butt?  He has no tail.

I pointed this out to the vet, and she kindly explained that, despite the fact that he appears to be lacking in this region, he actually has a very deep “pocket” where the tail was supposed to be.  And this pocket seems to be the source of our the poor guy’s discomfort.  She showed me what they would amputate, and it looked to be about 1/3 of his butt. “And then it would just be one smooth region,” she said.  I almost asked if they offered any two for one deals.  But this vet is new to us and, so far, thinks that I am a somewhat sane pet owner.  I’d like to keep it that way for at least a few more visits.

Of course, when I explained all of this to my husband, Cap’n Firepants, and showed him the bill for this consultation, he looked at me as though I had just grown a butt on my head and stuck a yellow tulip in the crack.

I am torn between being jealous of Wonderbutt for having a valid medical excuse for surgically shaping his butt and being sorry for him because we have no money in the household budget for a bulldog butt-sculpting operation.  The less expensive alternative, which is for me to regularly clean the pocket and try to squeeze some poofs of some kind of magical powder into it, is sure to make both of us miserable.

So, for now, the daily scene in our household will be Wonderbutt running away from his butt and the woman who is trying to catch his butt so she can make it less threatening.

Perhaps the exercise will do both our butts some good.


Posted on November 7, 2013, in Dogs, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. hahahhahahaahaha LOVE this post…poor wunderbutt

  2. The things we do for our puppies! Poor Wonderbutt.

    Bella has green lipped mussel powder sprinkled over her breakfast to improve her joint function (her hind legs click in and out of their joint sockets – not uncommon in a poodle). I wish I was joking.

    I would have asked for a two for one deal on the bum-sculpting…

  3. Aw, poor Wonderbutt. Maybe squats would help him.

  4. Poor Wonderbutt. My bum is broken, too. It has a crack in it.

  5. My Gracie has an Anal gland problem.. which must be “addressed” monthly. Although the cost isn’t great.. everything is relative, and it does “pinch” my budget. It’s been suggested that I put a sign on Gracie neck, and stand her on a street corner;
    (It just might work… HINT, HINT) LoL
    Poor Wonderbutt..

  6. I love that you look on the positive in everything – maybe once you have finished chasing him around the house you could carry him from where he has laid and put him in his bed so that you could tone your arms? OO I see a fitness dvd coming in time for Christmas!!

  7. I have cats. I can’t even imagine a cat allowing me to get a good look at their butt (unless of course I am trying to eat. Then they present it to me nicely). Poor Wonderbutt!

  8. Poor Wonderbutt. Despite my sympathy for him (and you), you totally “cracked” me up with this line: “…he looked at me as though I had just grown a butt on my head and stuck a yellow tulip in the crack.”

    I’m still laughing!

    • That line went through several revisions, so I’m glad you liked it. I couldn’t decide on quite the right flower or the right color. There is a slideshow of about 50 images that went through my brain. Unfortunately, the slide show still remains, despite a firm commitment to the final selection.

  9. Sounds like fun. Butt pocket cleaning. What’s not to love?? *gulp*

  10. I have never heard of such a thing!

  11. Oh my god. Poor Wonderbutt! I wish I wasn’t laughing so hard at his expense. If he has the operation, does he then become the Buttless Wonder?

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