More Proof that I am a Horrible Dog Mom
Friends and family might tell you that I am a fairly ethical person. (If the topic came up. But, really, why would it? I mean, are you going to be standing around together at some bar talking about how the Cowboys lost again, and then say, “Hey, you know that Mrs. Cap’n Firepants? Would you say that she is ethical?”) The truth, though, whether you choose to discuss it or not, is that I am less ethical than I am scared of being caught doing something wrong. Which really stems from my caring way too much about what other people think about me. And that pretty much explains everything about me in a nutshell, according to my psychiatrist anyway.
The reason this makes me a horrible dog mom is that our dog, Wonderbutt, has been limping for a week and a half. He has done this before, and recovered in about 5 or 6 days. But he does not seem to be recovering this time. So, I’m thinking he needs to be taken to the vet. But I don’t want to take him. Because I know that they are going to say the only way they can help him is going to cost me a million dollars and 95 cents. And then I’m going to have to sell a lung or something. Which leads me back to the problem of worrying about getting caught, because I think that’s kind of illegal.
The thing is, I have had a brochure on Pet Insurance on my desk for the last year, and I keep putting off purchasing it because I’m too lazy to do the research on the 65 different pet insurance companies and Consumer Reports says that I would do just as well to open a savings account for my pet (which I haven’t done, either). Considering that I only have $2 in my daughter’s savings account, I figure the dog probably should not take precedence. Of course, the daughter does have health insurance – just maybe not a future college education. But, does my dog need a future college education?
Now I’m confused.
I realize, now, that if I had the Pet Insurance it might offset some of the million dollars. But I don’t. But I could get it, and then I could hang out for the waiting period, and then take Wonderbutt in to the vet.
But I can’t do that.
Besides the fact that I’ve just advertised that I even entertained the thought of trying to take advantage of that little loophole, there is the small matter of the fact that I always get caught when I do something wrong. Always.
Plus, there is the possibility that Wonderbutt is in pain. Though it’s hard to tell because he always looks unhappy, and he is snoring and farting just as much as usual.
To compound my guilt, I ran across this product, and immediately thought, “What idiot would buy this? IF MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE THE TIME TO STRAP A FIREPROOF COAT ONTO MY DOG!” And then I felt bad. Especially when I read the part about protecting my dog from falling objects when we walk through construction areas. I can’t believe that I am so selfish that I haven’t already bought this for Wonderbutt just in case Wile E. Coyote tries to drop an anvil on him the next time we go for a walk.
Which we can’t even do because the poor dog is limping.
UPDATE: I just realized that I should not advertise this coat as being Anvil Proof. I don’t really think it can keep you from getting smushed by an anvil. So, if this is a real concern of yours, please don’t buy this coat based on my advice. Truth be told, I am not really advising that you buy this product at all. (I’m covered, legally, now. Right?)
Posted on November 26, 2013, in Dogs, Fashion, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged anvils, bulldog, dogs, humor, insurance, pets, Wile E. Coyote, wonderbutt. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.
I hear kidneys bring more money than lungs and it may be legal in Mexico except that some old guy who smells and chews will chop it out. I have this ongoing thing with my old cat all the time. A month ago I thought he was dying (he’s very dramatic) and it cost me almost $200 to find out he is fine but a drama queen. Good luck with Wonderbutt.
I live close to Mexico, so there’s that. And I’m 99% sure that Wonderbutt is also a drama queen. But I guess I’ll have to shell out the million dollars and 95 cents to satisfy that niggling 1%.
Wait. I just re-read this. He “smells and chews?” What does he chew?
My thought was tobacco but then again, I am not sure what they chew in Mexico. Perhaps stinks would have been a better describer too.
I was thinking that maybe “smells and chews” is a good description of Wonderbutt!
Does ObamaCare not cover Bulldogs?
Not sure. If the website worked, I could check that out…
I’m a horrible myself mom. Too often I’m like, “I should probably go to the doctor,” but I don’t. I hope Wonderbutt gets better.
LOL. Since I’m a hypochondriac, I am always certain that I need to go to the doctor. In fact, I should probably just have one live with me.
This Sydney Life asked if ObamaCare covered bulldogs. Perhaps they would cover the liver/lung extraction??? Hope the boy gets well quickly.
Look at you! I think you may have found the perfect loophole!
Buying the insurance and then waiting til it kicks in to go to the vet isn’t “doing something wrong”, or unethical, or illegal.
Treat you and WB. Get the insurance.
Are you sure about this? I have a feeling the judge isn’t going to look kindly on the defense, “Well, El Guapo told me it was okay.”
Tell the judge if he lets it go, I’ll forget all about “the cheez whiz incident”, and lose the spoon too.
He’ll know what I mean.
Hmm. I think I am going to have to hear more about this particular incident.
I can’t believe you don’t already own this for Wonderbutt. I mean, honestly! Protect that dog from anvils, why don’t you?!!!
The truth is that when I first looked at it, I thought, “I really need one of those for ME!” 😉
My sister in law was just telling me about how her dog had to have another surgery and I was thinking, holy moly how do you afford that, and then she explained pet insurance to me- which I knew nothing about. I guess I would go with the insurance since it would seem weird if wonderbutt had a super huge bank acct and Dimples only had $2. 🙂