More Proof that I am a Horrible Dog Mom

Wonderbutt taking a break from reading his Oprah magazine

Friends and family might tell you that I am a fairly ethical person.  (If the topic came up.  But, really, why would it?  I mean, are you going to be standing around together at some bar talking about how the Cowboys lost again, and then say, “Hey, you know that Mrs. Cap’n Firepants?  Would you say that she is ethical?”)  The truth, though, whether you choose to discuss it or not, is that I am less ethical than I am scared of being caught doing something wrong.  Which really stems from my caring way too much about what other people think about me.  And that pretty much explains everything about me in a nutshell, according to my psychiatrist anyway.

The reason this makes me a horrible dog mom is that our dog, Wonderbutt, has been limping for a week and a half.  He has done this before, and recovered in about 5 or 6 days.  But he does not seem to be recovering this time.  So, I’m thinking he needs to be taken to the vet.  But I don’t want to take him.  Because I know that they are going to say the only way they can help him is going to cost me a million dollars and 95 cents.  And then I’m going to have to sell a lung or something.  Which leads me back to the problem of worrying about getting caught, because I think that’s kind of illegal.

The thing is, I have had a brochure on Pet Insurance on my desk for the last year, and I keep putting off purchasing it because I’m too lazy to do the research on the 65 different pet insurance companies and Consumer Reports says that I would do just as well to open a savings account for my pet (which I haven’t done, either).  Considering that I only have $2 in my daughter’s savings account, I figure the dog probably should not take precedence.  Of course, the daughter does have health insurance – just maybe not a future college education.  But, does my dog need a future college education?

Now I’m confused.

I realize, now, that if I had the Pet Insurance it might offset some of the million dollars.  But I don’t.  But I could get it, and then I could hang out for the waiting period, and then take Wonderbutt in to the vet.

But I can’t do that.

Besides the fact that I’ve just advertised that I even entertained the thought of trying to take advantage of that little loophole, there is the small matter of the fact that I always get caught when I do something wrong.  Always.

Plus, there is the possibility that Wonderbutt is in pain.  Though it’s hard to tell because he always looks unhappy, and he is snoring and farting just as much as usual.

To compound my guilt, I ran across this product, and immediately thought, “What idiot would buy this?  IF MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE THE TIME TO STRAP A FIREPROOF COAT ONTO MY DOG!”  And then I felt bad.  Especially when I read the part about protecting my dog from falling objects when we walk through construction areas.  I can’t believe that I am so selfish that I haven’t already bought this for Wonderbutt just in case Wile E. Coyote tries to drop an anvil on him the next time we go for a walk.

Which we can’t even do because the poor dog is limping.

I suck.

FireandAnvilProof Dog Coat

UPDATE:  I just realized that I should not advertise this coat as being Anvil Proof.  I don’t really think it can keep you from getting smushed by an anvil.  So, if this is a real concern of yours, please don’t buy this coat based on my advice.  Truth be told, I am not really advising that you buy this product at all.  (I’m covered, legally, now.  Right?)

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