I recently read a very funny post by Not Quite Old regarding the decisions her computer likes to make about what e-mail she should read. Her computer is The Decider.
My daughter is The UNDecider. I swear, the kid refuses to commit to anything except my committal to an institution.
Here are a few of the quandaries she has had recently:
1.) whether or not to wear long or short pajamas (it has been in 30’s for the last three nights)
b.) what shoes to wear to her choir concert (flip-flops were part of this multiple-choice – see #1)
III.) whether or not to wear a light jacket or a coat (see #1)
Four.) whether we should buy Wonderbutt the rope toy attached to the ball or the ball toy attached to the rope – 10 more minutes of my life that I will never get back
Cinco.)whether or not to continue to use her princess nightlight
Experienced parents will nod their heads and tell me that I should enjoy the fact that my daughter still wants my opinion because, as soon as puberty hits, the child will be full of her own opinions and never ask my advice again until she is 40.
I say that you are wrong.
First of all, Dimples has always been like this. And she doesn’t actually want my advice. She wants to drive me crazy. If I ever do offer my advice, she proffers the opposite. If I agree with the opposite, she throws in another, completely off-the-grid, solution. It is a no-win situation. So, there is nothing to enjoy here. And, clever People, if I try the Make Your Own Decision tact, it is equally excruciating. She will do her thinking out loud as close as possible to my ears, procrastinating the choice until the reason for making the choice is long over.
Secondly, she will never change. I know this because I know at least two other adults to which she is related, one of whom I am married to, who do the same thing. Being in a car with the three of them is EXASPERATING. Imagine agonizing over which fast food restaurant you will stop at WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR TEN MILES THAT YOU DON’T CARE – AND YOU REALLY, SERIOUSLY DON’T CARE – BUT THEY APPARENTLY DO BECAUSE THEY SHOOT DOWN EVERY NAME YOU PUT OUT THERE. And – hey, look at that roadside stand selling watermelon over there! Uh, what were we talking about – well, should we eat lunch now, or just stop at a rest area for a bathroom break?
If I finally decide to name a place with a very decisive tone that notifies everyone that this is the last word, no arguing, and everyone agrees, we will get into the parking lot, and one of them will, I swear, say, “Maybe we should try McDonalds instead.” Which was never one of the choices we discussed to begin with.
I love Dimples. She has a lot of things going for her, and I’m sure she will be a success in life. Doing what she decides to do. For the sake of our country’s future, I will do my best to discourage her from pursuing law or medicine. However, I’m not sure I can keep her out of politics. Sadly, I think she would fit right in.