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All Good Dogs Go to Heav – I mean Houston

Happy Birthday, Wonderbutt.  I’m sorry your birthday was as crappy as mine.  On the up(yours)side, though, you didn’t really seem to notice.

You’ve accomplished a lot since you entered our household as a 13 pound puppy:

This Was Before You Decided You'd Rather Eat Your Bed Than Sleep in It

  • destroyed our carpet
  • torn apart 5 pillows
  • shredded the bottom of our couch
  • destroyed our carpet again
  • littered our floor with I.E.D.’s (Icky Excrement Droppings)
  • gained 52 pounds
  • thoroughly destroyed our carpet beyond any silly little hope on my part that some steam cleaning would fix it right up

So You Use Our Couch Instead


In your favor, though, you have also:

  • trained us all to put our shoes away (or at least on the windowsill) so you won’t eat them
  • readied us for battle in any war zone riddled with land mines
  • brought our family closer because there is now only one decent piece of furniture we can precariously squeeze all three of us on at the same time

I have to say, in this month of Thanksgiving, that there is one thing I am supremely grateful for (besides the smiles you bring to our family) – that you can’t read.

As you know, Wonderbutt, our favorite cousins, the Globetrotters, visited this weekend from Houston.  Sans dogs.  We told them to bring their two dogs, but they seemed to think four dogs in one household would be too much.  There’s not much more potential for damage at our house at this point, but oh well.

Anyway, the Globetrotters brought a magazine to which I do not want you to be exposed.  Because I don’t think you need to get any ideas.

San Antonio is a pretty big city.  But apparently, it’s not as big as Houston.  And it’s certainly not as big of a dog city as Houston.  At least not according to this magazine, Dog Talk.  (As we speak, I am typing this in a public place, and trying not to let anyone see that I have this magazine with a picture of a Yorkie wearing a polka-dot party dress and ruby red Dorothy slippers. I feel like I need to put brown paper wrapping on it.)

Once I got past the humping article (well, you probably should read that article, Wonderbutt) in Dog Talk, I started realizing all of the dog amenities that are available in Houston.  I think we’ve had a dog bakery or two in San Antonio.  And even doggie “spas”.  But I’m pretty sure none of the spas or boarding kennels in San Antonio offer “luxury” swimming pools or actual doggie birthday party facilities.

According to its advertisement, “Dogs r Dogs” offers a fitness center, a movie center, a ballroom, and a treat lounge.  All. For. Dogs.

Oh, I just got the ballroom pun.  Haha.

At “Club Canine”, I could have enrolled you in “Puppy Pitfall Prevention.”

But then, what would I have to write about?

So, clearly, Wonderbutt, you would have had a much better puppyhood and birthday if you lived in Houston.  (Maybe that explains the lack of effort the family put into my birthday.  I don’t even want to know what extravagances Houston’s Human Talk magazine includes.)

I’m sorry you have to slum it with us in San Antonio, Wonderbutt.  Just remember, though, it’s the love that counts – not the gourmet treats you can get at the “Pawty Palace.”  Or the limousine pick up service at its rival “Pet Palace.”  Or the Dog Swim Parties at (I swear to God I’m not making this up) “Rummy’s Beach Club”.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

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