Disclaimer: It stormed ALL last night. Between worrying that the Idiot was blowing up the world a few hours away from me, and trying to sleep on the couch for 8 hours with my snoring, gas-passing bulldog, Wonderbutt, I spent a small percentage of the evening with my eyes closed. Whatiamtrying2say is that this post may not be my best work since I am somewhat sleep-deprived.
It’s been awhile since we have bestowed the coveted P.A.W. award, so I was intrigued by the following video collection that I recently spotted on CNN: Bulldogs vs. Boxes. When I noted that the first bulldog bore a striking resemblance to Wonderbutt, I thought that I might should change my whole outlook on dog toys. (“Might should” is a perfectly valid grammatical phrase here in Texas. Even though I’m not a native, I’m trying to pepper my speech with some more multi-tasking word groups. You might should try it.)
Anyway, I figured that I’ve been spending far too much money trying to find entertaining toys for Wonderbutt. Obviously, as the CNN set of videos seems to show, I can step into the garage and find a plethora of perfectly amusing dog toys that cost nothing.
Eager to test out this new idea, I plundered the garage for a few good cardboard containers. Cap’n Firepants wasn’t home, so it is possible that I might have chosen some packaging for which he had other plans. Probably, the perfect box that had a bunch of stuff in it which I dumped on the garage floor would not have been one of the ones the Cap’n would have selected for this experiment. Perhaps he won’t notice. At least, hopefully, not until after Valentines’ Day.
After carefully selecting Wonderbutt’s new toys, I got the video camera ready so as not to miss a moment of any television-worthy footage.
I am sorry to say that boxes will not be the next recipient of the P.A.W. award. They are sadly lacking in the durability criteria.
There were a few seconds with the box during which I thought we might have a winner. Wonderbutt seemed to delight in scooting the shoe box across the floor in some kind of poor boy’s imitation of chasing the ball his mother couldn’t afford to buy him because she needed to put food on the table. But Wonderbutt’s enjoyment was short-lived once he figured out how to open the box back up and start ripping out the sides. In some kind of poor boy’s imitation of eating the food his mother couldn’t afford to buy to put on the table.
A few things I should make clear: I do feed the dog (which should be apparent if you look at his rotundness), I do buy him actual toys, and our floor looks like it has a skin condition because we pulled up the carpeting and are planning to get stained concrete.
I am sorry to disappoint you that I will not be announcing a new P.A.W. Award recipient today. You might should keep reading for another week or two if this is a Matter of Great Importance.
As part of your On Demand Subscription package to WhatIMeant2Say, you will now be receiving irregular Dog Toy Reviews. I don’t Mean2Say that we will be reviewing irregular dog toys. WhatIMeant2Say is that we will, from time to time, on an irregular, unpredictable basis, be reviewing dog toys. Having this nifty little feature added to your already valuable bundle should make you feel quite the envy of all non-WhatIMeant2Say subscribers.
Mrs. P.I.B. , our 10 year old golden retriever, was never a chewer. She prefers, even now, to obsessively lick her toys.
Wonderbutt, our 1 year old bulldog, is the opposite. He licks us obsessively and completely annihilates his toys.
So, it is quite a challenge to find toys that will last more than a week against the razor sharp teeth of Wonderbutt.
I realize Mrs. P.I.B. is somewhat of an anomaly, so I think that there will be many dog owners out there who might appreciate my new idea – the Wonderbutt Toy Reviews.
I have decided that whenever we find a toy that can withstand the perils of a Wonderbutt household, it deserves an award. So, today I unveil the P.A.W. (Product Approved by Wonderbutt), given to only the most durable and infinitely entertaining dog toys.
Considering my recent confession of my less than kind feelings toward acronyms, you might question my choice of using one for this award. Questioning and criticizing are not part of the Basic On Demand Subscription package, so you will have to upgrade to the Premium Package if you have an uncontrollable desire to insult me.
For our first award, Wonderbutt and I have chosen the Hurley, an unlikely toy I chanced upon at Dogologie in Fredericksburg.
It made bold promises on the packaging, and I immediately thought this would be a great idea for a blog – Wonderbutt’s destruction of an”indestructible” toy. With accompanying pictures, of course.
Alas, as all bloggers know, planned catastrophes for the sake of blog fodder are about as successful as planned wars in the Middle East.
At first, I was a little disappointed, I must admit. It seems that the toy really is indestructible – but not because of its extreme durability. Wonderbutt had absolutely no desire to play with it. It was almost as if, with one look, he could tell that he was not going to be able to shred it, so he decided not to waste his time.
With a little more involvement from the Family Firepants, though, things changed. Wonderbutt suddenly became interested when the toy went shooting past his head and boomeranged off the wall into Mrs. P.I.B. Now that he could see its potential, it was Game ON.
First of all, this thing bounces wildly, but it rolls very little. This is an important distinction because Wonderbutt and Mrs. P.I.B.’s favorite game to play is to roll their toys under the furniture and then behave like Lassie when Timmy’s in the well until we get them out.
Secondly, this toy is slippery. Not slippery/slobbery like some toys get and you are disgusted by ever touching them. Slippery enough so that when Wonderbutt thunders past you at 200 miles per hour you can whisk it out of his mouth, making him stop short and do a somersault into the bedroom door in the hallway. It’s a beautiful thing, and it happens every time. (As an added bonus, I don’t have to play Tug of War and end up with Wonderbutt’s jaw clamped down on my fingers instead of his toy.)
And thirdly, Wonderbutt has not been able to get any chunks out of this eco-friendly toy. Believe you me, the dog has tried. He has gotten quite a few chunks out of me while attempting to mutilate the toy.
Unfortunately, the company will not replace me, though Cap’n Firepants has tried.
And fourthly, it’s buoyant. Since our bulldog is barely buoyant himself, I think we will probably not need to test that feature.
So, go out and buy a Hurley from westpawdesign.com as soon as you can. And, if you have a dog, you should think about getting him or her one, too. Wonderbutt recommends it.