Consider this your warning. Stock up on the canned goods. Buy some more duct tape. Kiss up to your neighbor with the bomb shelter. The world is about to end.
Here is how I know this:
Our insatiable bulldog, Wonderbutt, loves to chew. Loves. To. Chew. Everything.
This is why, when we are not home, Wonderbutt is relegated to the Kitchen Corral, a complex system of baby gates and dining room chairs that restrict him to the kitchen – a part of the house that I practically never use, so I am not concerned with him destroying it.
The other night, we returned home from an exciting evening cleaning out my mother-in-law’s apartment. Wonderbutt’s face greeted us at the living room window. Living room. Two problems with this: the living room is not in the kitchen, and that window is about 100 feet too high for Wonderbutt to be peering out of. Unless he is standing on our couch. Our new couch.
My heart sank as I reached two obvious conclusions: Wonderbutt is no longer afraid of baby gates, and our leather couch is in shreds.
I was wrong on both counts.
When we entered the house, it was immediately apparent how Wonderbutt got out.
Someone (o.k., perhaps it was me) forgot to finish constructing the K. Corral before we left. Oops.
Careful examination showed that Wonderbutt had left the new couch intact. My daughter praised him for his good behavior. But I was not so quick to celebrate. Wonderbutt was doing something while we were gone – so what was it?
As soon as I got to the hallway, I saw it – paper strewn all over the floor. In shreds. Great.
I followed the literal paper trail to our office.
And that is when the world fell off of its axis, and I realized that nothing makes sense any more.
Wonderbutt had pulled the papers from a box on the floor. Next to the shredder. PAPERS THAT WE WANTED TO SHRED.
So, there you have it, folks, proof that the world is about to end. Because Wonderbutt can text and destroy confidential paper work. That you planned to get rid of in the first place.
Start boarding up your windows.