I rounded the kitchen corner, about to take our dog, Wonderbutt, for a walk, and got slapped in the face by a sign on our back window calling me a “Ho”.
“Dimples!” I called for our daughter. “What happened to the other Ho’s?” You see, Dimples was in charge of affixing our Christmas gel clings on the windows, and apparently she decided to separate the Santa’s Ho’s.
“They’re over here!” She gestured to one of the lower windows that had the rest of the gel clings, including the 2 missing Ho’s.
“Um, it seems kind of weird to just have one Ho by itself. I mean, Ho’s are usually in groups,” I said. She shrugged. It made perfect sense to her to divide up the Ho’s. I did a mental inventory of the guests that might make an appearance at our house during the next few weeks, and decided the solitary Ho was probably fine. If the rest of the 10-year-old girls who visited the house were just as innocent as Dimples, then, really, I was the only one objecting to the Ho.
But Dimples acquiesced, and placed the other Ho with its partners.
We took Wonderbutt for his walk. And, of course, Dog Who Poops As He Walks did not disappoint – despite the fact that is was 4:30 PM, and he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Fortunately, I was well-armed with baggies.
Dimples did her best to wear out Wonderbutt, running him all over the place, and he was panting pretty hard by the time we returned home.
Then it was Mrs. Pain in the Butt’s turn for a walk. Walking the two of them together is an exercise in futility, so we’ve recently begun splitting them up. Wonderbutt does not like being left in the house alone, but we figured he was too tuckered out to do any damage while we were gone.
After a leisurely jaunt with the well-behaved Mrs. P.I.B., we re-entered our home to find Wonderbutt still sprawled out on the floor where we had left him.
A few minutes later – “Uh, Mom? What happened to the O? And, where are the four presents?”
I raised my eyebrow at Wonderbutt.
“He ate them? Why would he eat them?”
Indeed. Why does Wonderbutt eat any of the things that Wonderbutt eats? It’s a mystery we may never solve.
And, if you are wondering how Christmas gel clings effect a dog’s digestive system, let’s just say that Wonderbutt spent about 10 minutes trying to run away from his own butt later that evening. He was obviously disturbed by whatever was going in his posterior regions. He would sit down, then suddenly pop up like someone had stuck him with a pin, and then race around the room, glaring back at his bottom every few seconds.
We weren’t very sympathetic.