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Wonderbutt’s Acceptance Speech

In yesterday’s historic post, I mentioned that Wonderbutt had received an award from GingerSnaap at Ohmygawdjustdowhatisay.  Her exact words, in presenting him with the Glitter E. Yaynus Award, were:  “What I Meant 2 Say–  This is not for Mrs. Firepants, this is specifically for WonderButt- her Bull Dog. WonderYanus.”

As promised, I communicated the requirements of acceptance to Wonderbutt, which are the following:

1.Name 5 things you would stick up your Junk Trunk if you were forced to. 2. Tell at least 5 things you do that would make people want to kill you or, at the very least Hate you for the rest of  their lives. 3. Blindfold yourself & walk out into traffic on the Highway. 4. Pick 5 Bloggers to BULLY with this (a-hem) ‘Award’.

Here are Wonderbutt’s responses:

1.  What’s a Junk Trunk?  Is that the basket you keep my toys in?  The one you put on a shelf so I can’t reach it just because I “tasted” it a few times?  I’ll tell what I would put in there if I was forced to – Sandy, the rotten cat who blatantly teases me in the back yard; the squirt bottle that Dimples uses on me when I pick a fight with Mrs. P.I.B.; the soundtrack to The Sound of Music that Dimples plays OVER AND OVER; all of the car keys (so no one in the Firepants family can leave me the house); and all of the baby gates that block me from my favorite parts of the house, specifically The Forbidden Section.

2.  This one’s easy.  Dimples says she hates me all of the time – particularly when I squeak my Wubba, step on her bare feet, chew on her flip-flops, pass gas in her face, and poop on the back seat of the car when she is sitting next to me.  Yeah, that last one is very effective.

3.  I am not allowed to walk into traffic.  In fact, if I don’t stop pooping (or vomiting) as I walk, Mrs. Cap’n Firepants says I will not be allowed to walk anymore at all.

And I eat anything you put on my face.  Plus, a blindfold won’t stay on because my nose is too pushed in to hold it up.

4.  Mrs. Cap’n Firepants butted in helped me with this.  She says that “this is a delicate matter because of the nature of the award.”  Whatever that means.  She said we need to choose some blogs that are “slightly irreverent.”  Basically, the only one she let me pick is The Life of J-Wo because my Someday-in-the-Future-Girlfriend, Savannah, stars on that one.

The Idiot Speaketh

Monica – A Day in the Life

Shitmy6yearoldsays

Becoming Cliche

The Life of J-Wo

Wonderbutt's Noble Reaction to Receiving the Glitter E. Yaynus Award (Yes, He is Standing On Top of the Couch)

Let Me Show You Some Skin

How do you like my new iPad 2 skin?  Pretty cool, huh?  What’s that you say?  Oh, you noticed, huh?  There are 2 more awards on my shelf!!!!!!  No, I’m not bragging.

O.K.  Yes I am bragging.

No false modesty here.  I like awards.

I hate work, though.  So, you won’t be surprised that, just like my new iPad skin, I will be cutting a few corners in my acceptance of these awards.

First of all – the Kreativ Blogger Award.  I have been coveting this particular one for some time.  Fortunately, my hilarious pal, The Idiot, bestowed it upon me before I just decided to steal it from someone’s site.  I say this is fortunate, because stealing awards requires a lot of work – you know, making up stories about who gave it to you, creating a fake blog to back up your alibi, etc…

I’m supposed to tell you a bunch of things about myself, and then award this to ten more people.  As you can see, though, I am too busy designing iPad skins, so I’m skipping all of that business.  That requires too much research – into my psyche and into other bloggers to make sure they haven’t already received it.  I will pass it on to one more person, though, to keep this award going.  I know I’ve already given her an award, but I really think this one is completely fitting for her – The Middlest Sister.  She is, hands-down, the most Kreativ blogger I know.  Normally, I hate people with that much talent, but since I don’t actually know her, it’s easier just to be insanely jealous.

Next award – The One Lovely Blog Award from my dear, dear friends, Chuck and the Collies of the Meadow.  They and The Hobbler have been crazy enough to give me this award, and their support of my blog has been absolutely phenomenal.  I am seriously considering having Chuck’s words of praise tattooed somewhere on my body.  If my jeans become any tighter, I know exactly where that tattoo will fit…

I am passing The One Lovely Blog Award on to Muddled Mom.  I really enjoyed her post about her son turning nine, as she eloquently described exactly how I felt when Dimples turned nine in December.  Except for the stuff about him being a boy.

And now, the most recent award that has been added to the shelf – the Glitter E. Yaynus  Award.

It’s difficult to describe my feelings about this award.  Mostly because I’m not the one who received it.  It was actually awarded to Wonderbutt or, as GingerSnaap at Ohmygawdjustdowhatisay, so succinctly put it – “This is not for Mrs. Firepants, this is specifically for WonderButt- her Bull Dog. WonderYanus.”

I related to Wonderbutt that he has received this honor.  He is still deciding how he feels about it.  Because it is his first very own award, he has decided to fulfill all of the requirements that are passed along with it.  But, he is still composing his thoughts, so tomorrow’s post will be dedicated to his responses.

Lastly, I have an award I promised to give to the first person who could identify the movie quote in my post titled, “Tell Me About it, Stud.”  The winner is Chuck and the Collies of the Meadow.  You are now the lucky owners of the “I Wonderbutt, Do You?” Award.  May this magnificent honor help to speed sweet Trevor’s recovery!

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