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Why Apple Paltrow-Martin May Never Have to Worry about the Paparazzi

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m not a big fan of that.” This is what Dimples says when she does not like something – usually the food placed in front of her on the table.  What she really means, of course, is that she wants to know how exactly much of this vile food she must force down her throat in order to qualify for dessert.

It would be easier for me to list the foods she is a fan of, than to try to log all of the ones that disgust her.  Scratch that.  It would be easier to list all of the nutritious foods she likes (all three of them) than the ones she pushes around her plate indefinitely.

It does no good to remind her that she claimed to like that particular food two weeks ago.  Or to point out that one of the foods on her current short list of favorites was actually a deeply detested food the first three times it landed on her plate.

As picky eaters go, Dimples is actually pretty good about it.  She might declare that she’s “not a fan”, but she still grudgingly sits through the movie, so to speak.   She just makes sure we are aware of her distaste and then takes as long as possible to ingest it – leaving herself more time to make a deal with her father regarding what percentage must end up in her stomach instead of the plate.  (I let her father make the deals, because he’s usually the one who served her up triple sized helpings to begin with, apparently either suffering under the delusion that Dimples is a 300 pound cowboy who needs to keep up his strength for bull riding or fearful that our daughter will die of malnutrition before her next meal.)

So, I’m trying to think of a clever retort for the next time she publicly denies fandom to a food item.  How about one of these:

“You don’t have to post the picture on your Wall.”

“I’m not asking you to friend it on Facebook, just eat it already!”

“Just eat it, don’t Tweet it.”

“The last I checked, Yelp wasn’t asking for ratings of your mother’s cooking.”

…Oh my God – there’s not an app for that, is there?

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