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Humans are Animals, Too

I have found the perfect doctor.  There is just one problem.  He is a vet.  Wonderbutt, our bulldog’s, vet, to be exact.  Don’t tell anyone, but I’m trying to see how I can get this fabulous DVM added to my health insurance plan.

Think about all of the qualities of the perfect physician, and you will be describing Dr. Dolittle.  This man is kind, rational, caring, and smart.  He is not fresh out of medical school, but he also isn’t ready to retire.  He takes his time with his patients, but he doesn’t make you wait 2 hours past your appointment time to see him.

And I think he may have inadvertently diagnosed my recent health issues during Wonderbutt’s annual exam.

I know – it’s typical of me, isn’t it, to make my dog’s medical checkup all about me.

Here’s what happened, though:

Wonderbutt got the usual vaccinations, but the doctor expressed concern about his weight gain and a mysterious hair loss pattern on his sides.  Despite Wonderbutt’s participation in our home version of The Biggest Loser, he has gained 6 pounds since his last visit – making him a whopping 71 pounds.

After checking a skin sample for mites, which would have explained the hair loss, the test came back negative.  (By the way, as we waited for the results, I was keeping my fingers crossed that it wasn’t mites.  That was the wrong approach.  I should have prayed for mites, apparently – a lot less expensive than the alternatives.)  This is when Dr. Dolittle suggested the possibility of Wonderbutt having hypothyroidism.

A million dollars and a few blood and urine samples later, Wonderbutt and I arrived home.  (Happily, Wonderbutt made it to and from the vet without having any “accidents” in the car – probably because Dimples wasn’t sitting in the back seat to scream and wrinkle her nose in disgust.)

I immediately headed to the computer to Google hypothyroidism.

As I read the symptoms, I nearly grabbed the monitor off of the desk to show my husband the list.  They are EXACTLY the symptoms I have right now.

This led me to two conclusions:  I need to somehow switch my blood samples with Wonderbutt’s, and/or see if I can get double doses of his medication if Dr. Dolittle’s diagnosis is correct.

I don’t want to hear about how I’m a hypochondriac with symptoms brought on by Googling diseases.  If you are going to comment, I’d rather get your advice on how to convince Dr. Dolittle that he needs to add humans to his practice.  Or, maybe the President can make some minor adjustments to the new Health Plan.

Yeah. Not Wonderbutt's vet. But he's welcome to join my new health plan anytime he wants. photo credit: Christianny via photopin cc

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