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Attention, All Personnel

I apologize to anyone who has not seen the great television series, “MASH”.  You have been deeply deprived.

Henry Blake: Will you stop saying what I’m thinking?

Radar: One of us has to.

In yesterday’s cliffhanger, I mentioned that I am switching doctors.  One of the reasons for this change is that Doctor Francesca Burns (pseudonym, of course) was never available when I needed to make an appointment.  I didn’t actually meet her until the day of my colonoscopy because every time I called, they said there were no appointments available with her so I would have to see the nurse practitioner.

So, I decided to switch to Dr. Hawkeye Pierce with the hopes that he would be a little more accommodating.

Once I got the medical records transferred, I called the new office to make my appointment.

“Well, he can see you tomorrow, if that works,” said Hot Lips Houlihan.

“Oh, gosh, it doesn’t,” I said.  “You see, there’s a funeral, and I’m a teacher, and something about a fire drill, and, well, there’s a lot of stuff going on.”

“O.K.  How about Thursday morning at 9?”

“Well, that doesn’t really work either.  The whole teacher thing, you see.”

Suddenly, I found myself in the position of being the one who was being difficult to pin down.  I decided to take the initiative.

“How about next Tuesday at 4?” I asked.

“We have that open,” said Hot Lips.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  “But I can’t book you.”

“Umm. And, why is that again?”

“Well, we don’t have our morning booked yet.  And I have to fill that up first.  If that doesn’t fill up, I have to cancel the afternoon appointments.”

I began to get a tiny bit worried.  What doctor do you know that isn’t booked out the wazoo?  What does this mean that he has too much free time?  And, what kind of business operation is this, where, if there isn’t enough to do in the morning, they just cancel the afternoon, too?

“We can fit you in on Monday at 4.  Usually he doesn’t work on Mondays because that’s his surgery day.  But he doesn’t have any surgeries booked this Monday.”

My mind was reeling.  Is this good or is it bad that he doesn’t have any surgeries?  Should I take the risk of trying Monday and a.) getting a call that my appointment is canceled because the doctor decided to play golf that afternoon or 2.) being told that I need surgery the following Monday so he can meet his quota?


If Hawkeye Pierce morphs into Charles Winchester, I’m going to have to have a talk with Radar.  If anyone knows what’s going on in this mad world, he does.

courtesy of

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