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Warning: Mnemonics Can Cause Histrionics

A loving text from my husband to me yesterday morning.

“O.K.  not your boyfriend’s nickname?” was his joking response.

“Ha.”  As if.  With a husband named Cap’n Firepants, who needs an Idiot for a boyfriend?

Despite my husband’s seeming alarm, he is quite used to my unconventional methods of reminding myself of things.  It really didn’t surprise him at all that I would add a memo to our electronic family calendar so I could remind myself that one of my favorite bloggers was having surgery and I was supposed to send the patient some good thoughts that A.M.

Just that morning, as a matter of fact, I had employed two other memory techniques that just made Cap’n Firepants shake his head.

When he was about to get in the shower, I said, “By the way, your razor is in my makeup organizer in my medicine cabinet.”

He paused.  “Uh, why?”

“Well, I remembered late last night that I needed to ask you about those gift cards before you left for work.  You were already asleep, so I figured if I stuck your razor in my medicine cabinet, you would ask me if I knew where it was after frantically searching for ten minutes, and I would remember that I needed to ask you.”

He shook his head, told me where the gift cards were hidden, and headed in for his shower.

I continued to get ready for work.  Thirty minutes later, I grabbed the presents I was bringing to work with me and headed out the door.  Except my keys weren’t in the key bowl.

“Gosh darn it.  Where are my keys?” I was already running late.  Geez! Oh yeah. In the refrigerator.  That’s where I put them when I need to remember to bring something to work.  What was I supposed to remember?  The presents.  That were already in my hands.  So, basically, I remembered the items I was afraid I would forget, but not the device I was using to help me remember them.  Typical.

Once, I went on a trip to an education conference when our daughter was really little.  So, my husband’s parents came to stay with him to help out while I was gone.  I called the first evening to see how things were going.

“Guess what my parents found in the freezer?”  Cap’n Firepants asked me.

“Uh, chicken?”

“No.”

“Meatballs?”

“No.”

“Oh!!!!!  My keys?”

“No.”

Now I was really perplexed.  “Just tell me.  What?”

“Your curling iron.”

Oh yeah.  I had put it there to cool it off really quick before I stuck it in my suitcase.  So, now his parents not only thought I was a bad cook, but that I somehow figured cylindrical hair appliances belonged in one of the food groups.

If I had programmed a calendar reminder to look for my keys in the fridge to remind me to pull my curling iron out of the freezer, my in-laws would never have discovered what a whacko their son had married.  At least for another month or so.

I should be thankful, I suppose, that when the “Idiot’s Surgery” reminder popped up on my husband’s phone he did not promptly text me to ask what time my surgery was scheduled for that day.  Married to me for eleven years, and he still does not immediately jump to the conclusion that I’m an idiot.  There’s that.

I Should Be Committed

Look very carefully at the above Amazon description of the Kinect Star Wars game.  I saw this last year, when I was stalking Xbox Kinect games to add to the gift that I expected to place under the tree, then almost didn’t have under the tree, then almost had too many of under the tree.

So, if you have the amazing powers of perception that all of my readers possess (I’m sorry if you had to use a magnifying glass), you may have noticed that this game is predicted to be released in December.  Of 2012.

I almost clicked on the pre-order button last November, 2010, before I realized the calendar year that was involved.  Then, I figured it had to be some sort of typo.  So, I kept checking back, periodically, to see if it had been corrected.  Well, if it is a typo, it’s been on their site for over a year.

I would like to meet the people who pre-order a game 2 YEARS IN ADVANCE!  I mean, I guess there isn’t really any sacrifice involved, but still, do you realize the kind of Commitment you are making here?

What if Wonderbutt eats your Kinect console, or your stupid HD T.V. that your husband insisted on buying you for your birthday 2 years ago even though you had never once said you wanted one, in fact declared the opposite, even when he kept saying how great they were every time you walked through Best Buy?

What if you die because you got locked in a port-a-potty for 10 days and nights and you refused to drink the skanky water, and everyone forgets to cancel your credit card, and your poor family gets a Kinect game that you ordered two years in advance in the mail, addressed to you?

What if some Idiot in Batman Underoos traveling in a pink baby walker runs over your foot and severs your nerves so you can’t play any Kinect games for the rest of your life?

O.K.  Maybe I need to put this in geek terms…

What if Luke decides to go over to the Dark Side after all because he feels so evil and guilty about all of the wet dreams he had about his own sister?  Then that Star Wars game will be just another doorstop, buddy.

Sheesh.  Don’t you People have anything better to do than stalk a game that isn’t scheduled to

come

out

for at least another-

Wait a second.

Crap.  When did I become a geek?

Shut up.

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