Inigo Montoya: I donna suppose you could speed things up?
Man in Black: If you’re in such a hurry, you could lower a rope or a tree branch or find something useful to do.
Inigo Montoya: I could do that. I have some rope up here, but I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.
Man in Black: That does put a damper on our relationship.
So, here is my new method to combat Writer’s Block. I have decided that when this dastardly disease descends upon me, I shall Google the quotes to one of my favorite movies, close my eyes, scroll the mouse up and down as fast as I can, click the mouse, and open my eyes to see which quote I have landed upon. I will base my post on that quote.
I don’t like this method.
What the heck am I supposed to do with this quote (from The Princess Bride, in case you are not an obsessed fan who has memorized every line)?
Am I supposed to pretend that it’s a metaphor for my relationship with my writing? Am I the Man in Black, and my writing is Inigo Montoya?
This is stupid.
Why would my writing be waiting around to kill me?
I mean, I could see how the metaphor works for my part. I am the strong Man in Black, climbing up the steep Cliffs of Insanity, determined to arrive at the top, no matter what obstacles get put in my way.
But why would my writing be out to get me? That would be an example of personification gone dramatically wrong, in my opinion.
O.K. Let’s dig a little deeper here. Inigo is trying to kill the Man in Black because he was ordered to by Fezzik.
Who would order my writing to destroy me?
Yeah. That doesn’t work.
Maybe, my writing does not want to destroy me; it is just eager to engage me in a test of swordsmanship – like Inigo was to show off his skills to the Man in Black.
So, my writing wants to challenge me to a duel.
Who am I kidding? I am no Man in Black.
I am a wimpy woman in sweatpants highly skilled in the roundhouse kick as practiced on my Tae Bo video – without making contact with any flesh. At least not on purpose. I did kick Cap’n Firepants once while doing my video, but that was an accident, I swear.
O.K. Let’s try switching this little metaphor around. I am Inigo Montoya, the man who is an expert swordsman, and just doesn’t have the one person he trained to kill in front of him.
The Man in Black is my writing, trying to reach me, but I am hesitant to drop the rope and make it easier.
Why the heck would I be hesitant to drop the rope?
If my writing is any character in this scene, it is the weaselly, long absent Fezzik, who has run away from The Man in Black, leaving Inigo to deal with the problem.
Yep. That’s my writing – a long-winded, egotistical, know-it-all – bullying and taunting everyone who crosses in front of his 4 foot 2, dumpy little, bald-headed body.
Ah, that felt good.
But I have a feeling my Writer’s Block might decided to stick around for awhile.Inigo Name Tag photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/rakka/2575763772/”>Rakka</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>cc</a> Inigo Montoya Barphoto credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/hanan_cohen/54800600/”>Hanan Cohen</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>
So yesterday, as many of you know, was Talk Like a Pirate Day. Considering my husband is now known to all as Cap’n Firepants, I thought he, of all people would embrace this great holiday. When I reminded him of it, he merely raised an eyebrow, and said, “Arrr. Now, do you want me to go to the grocery store tonight?”
I’m pretty sure the last sentence was never spoken by an actual pirate.
The exchange made me a little curious about the origins of this day, so I looked it up, and there’s actually a whole website devoted to it, surprise, surprise.
The website was very informative. I particularly enjoyed the pirate pickup lines, although “You. Pants off. Now!!!!” did not really seem to fit into the theme. I do believe it would work with Cap’n Firepants, however.
Don’t ask me why, but that made me think of my favorite pirate (besides Cap’n Firepants, of course) – the Dread Pirate Roberts, AKA The Man in Black AKA Westley in The Princess Bride.
This led me to a website with Princess Bride quotes. I spent fifteen minutes reading all of the quotes and chuckling about every scene in the movie.
When I realized how much time I’d just wasted reading practically the entire script of a movie I’ve watched a hundred times, I chastised myself strongly and got off the Internet.
But then I reminded myself we were still looking for a Halloween costume for Dimples and wouldn’t a costume from The Princess Bride be so cool?
Well, I got a little off track again. I found pictures of a man dressed as Inigo Montoya at a Purim party. Since I didn’t know what Purim was, much less why one would dress like Inigo Montoya for such a party, I had to research that.
Then I found a Fezzik costume for sale on eBay for only $300. I think that Dimples, Cap’n Firepants and me could all fit in this costume at the same time.
This is beginning to be my worst attack of ADD ever. Focus, focus, focus. You are trying to type a blog. Stop surfing the Internet, you fool.
Inigo Montoya: Hello there. Slow going?
Man in Black: Look, I don’t mean to be rude but this is not as easy as it looks, so I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t distract me.
Inigo Montoya: [apologetic] Sorry.
Man in Black: Thank you.
Yeah. This isn’t going to work.
It’s time for me to go see what crawled out of the bung hole.
(Find out what I’m drinking with dinner, People! You really need to get your minds out of the gutter, you land lubbing bilge rats!)