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I Think I Was Just a Victim of a Complisult

Men, the next time you feel inclined to give a woman a compliment and mention pregnancy in the same sentence – don’t.  I don’t care how staggeringly laudatory the words sound in your head.  Just. Keep. Your. Mouth. Closed.

We all know the old adage, “Don’t ever ask someone when her baby is due even if she looks like she’s pregnant because she may not be.  She may just have an unfortunate deposition of her weight,  and then you look like an idiot and she hates herself and really hates you and it just causes an overall environment of ill-will.” ~ Ben Franklin in Poor Richard’s Almanac (I think I suspect why Richard needed some sympathy – and it wasn’t because he was poverty-stricken.)

But that’s not the only way to get your teeth knocked out.

Let’s just say, for example, you announce to a woman you haven’t seen for three months, “Wow, you don’t look like you just had a baby!”

And she didn’t. Just. Have. A. Baby.

She had a baby exactly 10 years and 8 months ago.

I have it on very good authority that said woman will be slightly confused for a moment, then say, “Thanks.”  You, the man, will walk off feeling quite proud that you just made someone’s day.

Oh, you made it all right.

You made it miserable.

Because the woman then thinks, “What did he mean by that?   Does he say that to every woman he hasn’t seen for three months?  Does he say that to every woman?  I did gain weight over the summer.  So, is he saying I don’t look like I just had a baby because I look like I’m about to have a baby?  Oh. My. God.  That man just called me FAT.  And it’s 7:15 a.m. on the first day of school, and I think I might just need to find a closet somewhere and start crying.”

At least, that’s what I imagine she would be thinking.  I wouldn’t know.


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