A note of warning: If you are going to include the words “Weight Loss Program” in your manuscript, and then try to e-mail it to yourself three times from your iPad, and wonder where the e-mails keep going, try your Junk Mail folder. Apparently, I spammed myself.
Wonderbutt was told he needed to lose at least five pounds. After the disappointing lack of response to our application for The Biggest Loser, we took matters into our hands. We (I) instituted a practical change in life style: eat less food, get more exercise.
Because you are such a close friend, I would like to share the secrets to this successful program with you.
A typical day in the Wonderbutt Program:
Breakfast – 1 cup of delicious dog nuggets
Lunch – nothing
Dinner – another cup of delicious dog nuggets (I know they are delicious because I tried one.)
As everyone knows, no weight loss program is complete without the implementation of exercise.
Exercise – Dimples and I take Wonderbutt and Mrs. P.I.B. for a walk. Mrs. P.I.B. has longer legs, so she ends up ahead. Wonderbutt does not want Mrs. P.I.B. to get anywhere before he does. He has no idea where we are going, but he is going to get there first, no matter what.
Wonderbutt pulls my shoulder out of its socket.
I shift hands, yank Wonderbutt back and simultaneously pop my shoulder back in. I do what our dog/human trainer taught me and turn around, so Wonderbutt has to follow me going in a different direction. Since this is the opposite direction of Mrs. P.I.B., Wonderbutt is suddenly less enthusiastic about pulling me, and decides it’s my turn to pull. But I am the leader of this pack. So I make the rules.
I turn back around. For about 10 seconds, Wonderbutt is by my side. This triggers another lesson I learned from Puppy Kindergarten – bribery. I reward Wonderbutt with a small treat.
We repeat the process. By the time we return home, my arm has popped out of its socket 15 times, and Wonderbutt has had 30,000 “small” treats.
End of the week – Wonderbutt has gained 5 pounds from all of the treats and I’ve gained 5 from all of the stress eating I do when we return from each walk.
So, there you have it – our soon-to-be-award-winning-record-breaking-money-making Wonderbutt Weight Loss Program. Follow the above guidelines, and you, too, can have a Wondrous Butt like me.