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I’m Gonna Need a Bigger Shelf

My awards shelves are starting to look slightly ostentatious, which, to be honest, was exactly the look I was going for.  As soon as they are full, I’m going to make a big poster of all of my achievements, and hang it on my bathroom wall.  I know that sounds uncharacteristically modest of me, but the truth is, we have an odd bathroom.  It has a floor to ceiling window in the shower stall, which, if the shower curtain is drawn back, allows anyone in our living room to gaze upon our toiletry area.  So, if I hang my award poster in there, I can pretend that I left the curtain open by accident and all of our guests can exclaim over my blogging prowess.  I’m big on pretending to be humble.

A few of my recent awards are repeats, but you don’t see Susan Lucci returning her Emmy trophies just because she already got one.  What’s that you say?  She only got one?  Well, that just makes my multiples all the sweeter.

I would like to thank each and every one of you who has recently passed the torch to me:

“The Liebster Award” – generously bestowed upon me by the following:

Wish He Was My Dad

Bumpy Road to Bubba

Poet Prodigy 7

The first one to recognize my Liebsterness, though, was Bassa.  So, I will refer you to my acceptance blog for the fulfillment of my Liebster duties.

Not at all humbled by the above, I was then gobsmacked by not one, but two people who gave me the “Tell Me About Yourself” Award.

Miss Demure Restraint

Muddled Mom

For this award, I’m supposed to tell you seven things you don’t know about me.  You know some pretty intimate details, like the size of my bra, from this blog, so it’s a little difficult for me to imagine what you don’t know at this point.

I’m guessing you don’t know: my name, my first dog’s birthday, my social security number, how many A’s I got in high school, why I don’t talk to my mother anymore, who my godmother is, or where on my body my tattoo of a potato happens to be located.

Actually, we’re all out of luck in this department – because I only know the answer to three of those things.  And none of them have anything to do with the tattoo. My sister, Crash, could probably make some great revelations about me in her next comment – I think she might know my name – but she should be painfully aware that I can tell great stories about her, so I doubt she will be too forthcoming.

O.K.  In the interest of being a good sport, here are my 7.  Well, I’m going to give you 8, so you can have a bonus one.  Except one of them isn’t completely true:

I was the president of my sorority.

I never wanted to be in a sorority.

If Wonderbutt and I could stand on a scale together, we would weigh 185 pounds.  As long as I’m nekkid.  But I don’t really want to try to hold Wonderbutt while I’m nekkid.  His claws are a little scratchy.

I make fabulous cheesecakes.

I moonlighted from teaching by waitressing in a Country/Western bar.

I moonlighted from waitressing by teaching in a gangsta neighborhood.

I’m not really married to a pirate.

I’m really married to a pirate, but my husband doesn’t know.

In addition to telling you some things, I am also supposed to recommend 15 other blogs.  However, I have exceeded my self-imposed maximum word count for today, so I am going to be a rebel (reading Whiskey Rebels for my spelling bee is going to my head), and include that in tomorrow’s post – which will reveal yet another award conferred upon me.

Sorry, I’m feeling a little sassy today, what with all of these awards and the fact that we’ve gone a whole week without Wonderbutt chewing up any library books or spectacles.



Thank You for Seeing Me Again

“Danke Schoen, darling Danke Schoen.
Thank you for seeing me again.
Though we go on our separate ways, still the memory stays, for always, my heart says, Danke Schoen.”

Gotta love that Wayne Newton.   You also gotta love Bassa, the Caucasian Shepherd Dog, who lives in Tbilisi in the Republic of Georgia.  Bassa reports her adventures around Tbilisi with an eye for detail and amazing photography, particularly considering she is all paws.  I’d like to give Bassa a Muchas Danke (TexGerm for Thanks a Bunch!) for awarding me the Liebster Blog Award.  Apparently, this means in German that I have a “Dearest Blog”.  And I owe this honor to all of you, the ones who keep “seeing me again”.  Here is the award:

It looks even better on my award shelf!

No Blog Award is complete without its fine print, which, for this particular award, reads as follows (I tried to make it as fine as I could.):

1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.  2. Reveal your top five picks {with less than 200 readers} and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.  3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.  4. Hope that the people you’ve sent the award to forward it to their five favourite up-and-coming bloggers and keep it going!

The tricky part of this requirement is #2 because, as many of you know, some of us like to hide our number of followers.  So, in one fell swoop I will probably alienate most of the people who read my blog.  Either you will be gratified that I gave you this award, and then wonder why I leapt to the conclusion that you have less than 200 readers, or you will be deeply hurt that I did not give you this award even though your numbers are low and you comment every day.  So, before I roll out the list, here are my caveats:

If you got the award, just assume that I gave it to you because I thought you deserved it, saw no evidence on your blog that you’d received it before, and noticed from your archives that you’d been around about as long as I have.  And don’t read the next line.

If you didn’t get the award, just assume that I thought you were so great that I could not envision a universe where you would not already have more than 200 followers, and I did not want you to think I was being condescending by offering you an award.

O.K.  Everyone happy now?  Well, probably not.  I guess I should have maybe posted the caveats after I revealed my list of awardees – not before.

Anyway, here are my five:

Middlest Sister – This creative paper artist wows me with every new post.  I would love to purchase a book of her carefully crafted stories.

Not Quite Old – She is definitely not old, has great fashion sense, and a wonderful sense of humor.  And I love her infrequent illustrations.

I’ve Become My Parents – This blog of advice to a young son is hysterical and scary true!

Life of J.Wo – Check out Jason’s comical “Open Letter to the Bathroom Guy“, and I dare you not to empathize – or laugh.  And be sure to look at his pictures of his bulldog, Savannah.  It’s okay.  You can say it.  She is so much prettier than Wonderbutt!

Trask Avenue – My favorite things about “John’s” blog are his photographs – truly amazing!  But I also like his wicked sense of humor – such as in “To Do List: Jesus of Nazareth (undated)

I leave you with a quote from Ferris Bueller, my favorite Danke Schoen lip syncher extraordinaire (and if you don’t think you’ve seen anything good today – well, come back tomorrow, and it will be probably be worse.):

“Ladies and gentlemen, you are such a wonderful crowd, we’d like to play a little tune for you. It’s one of my personal favorites and I’d like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn’t think he’s seen anything good today – Cameron Frye, this one’s for you. “

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