His Fate is in Your Hands

Please take a moment, those of you on the East Coast, from boarding up windows and trying to find clean water, for this important request for your input.  After much deliberation, and input from all over the globe, I have decided that I cannot decide.  Ironically, I usually am accusing my husband of this personality flaw.  But when a decision this important comes across my keyboard, I am at a loss. What in the world should be my husband’s alias?

My dear readers, you weighed in on my last post regarding this crucial conundrum, and I appreciate your valuable comments.  However, now I’m even farther from a decision than before.  So, I’ve decided to leave it up to you.  An internet poll is the only solution to this quandary.

Before you decide, let me tell you a little bit about this great man.  He puts up with me (and Wonderbutt) which should give you an idea of his patience and fortitude.  He loves: to work in our yard, to watch Star Wars over and over, and to barbecue.  He is a wonderful father and husband, but let’s not get too sentimental.  Fortunately, he has a good sense of humor – even though he is pretty lukewarm about my blog.

Here are your choices. Note that I have not blocked you from voting more than once. I figure if you feel that strongly about it, hey go for it!

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Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Cap’n Izzy Firepants

So, I’m trying to think of a nickname for my husband to use in this blog. Calling him “my husband” just seems boring. And, trust me, using his real name won’t really jazz things up either.

I’ve been taking notice of how other bloggers refer to their significant others, and there seem to be several different nickname categories. Some just use initials. Some say “The Hubs”. A couple of others have named theirs after Greek gods.

I asked my husband what name he would like. I was hoping he would be accommodating enough to supply his own like my sister (Crash) has. He raised his eyebrow when I mentioned the Greek god trend. We both agree that’s not the way to go.

Some bloggers adapt the names of different famous characters for their purposes. I decided a Harry Potter character might work. Neville Longbottom seemed the most appropriate. Sweet disposition, great with plants, loyal and steadfast. That’s my husband. But somehow I don’t think my husband would consider this name to be a compliment.

How about a clever twist on Voldemort’s nickname? He Who Must Not Be Blamed (for the stupid jokes his wife tries to tell)? Or, how about He Who Must Not be Maimed (by Wonderbutt every time he launches himself into my husband’s privates)? He Who Must Not be Acclaimed (because it embarrasses him)? He Who Must Not Be Ashamed… I could go on.

I went to some nickname generator sites. These sites have all kinds of categories for nicknames: superheroes, cowboys, circus etc… Even porn names. I thought he would like that. So, I put in his name to see what might come out. “Humpy Kung-fu Grip” seemed a little inappropriate for a mostly PG blog. I’m not even sure what that’s supposed to mean.

The superhero track appealed to me. After all, we’ve already got Wonderbutt in our cast of characters. But none of the ones provided by the nickname generator really connected. The gangsta name, “Saliva Man”, seemed a little more fitting for the puddle drooling Wonderbutt than for my husband.

I kind of liked “Cap’n Izzy Firepants”. Dimples appreciated his mobster nickname, “Weed Whacker”.

On the Jersey Shore name generator, he got “The Sausage Party”. I got “T-Cat”, which wasn’t too bad. Maybe “T-Dog” would be better, since I’m more of a dog fan, though. And Hubby could be called Mr. T-Dog. That’s kind of macho, right?

And then I found the mother of all name generator sites. OMG, there are all kinds of links here! Meerkat names, Bond names, Grey’s Anatomy names, on and on. My Top Gun name is “Back Fire.” That actually kind of works…

I think this might take awhile.