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Forget the Milk. It Does a Number on My Sensitive Stomach.

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In honor of See What Dangerous Items Your Dog Can Eat Without Needing to Be Taken to the Emergency Vet Clinic Month*, Wonderbutt has been making great strides in his clinical research.

The other night we discovered his “pad” looking like it had been invaded by a homeless (note the newspaper section) junkie afflicted with the munchies.

No one could attest to how many oreos had been in the package when it was left on the counter, and no one could figure out how Wonderbutt could get to the package on the counter, which is ten feet higher than the top of his head.

Dimples and I had noticed that evening that Wonderbutt seemed gassier than usual.  He was kind enough to emphasize this by sitting between us with his bottom aimed at our faces and releasing a not-so-silent-but-just-as-deadly sample for us to sniff.

By the time we discovered the probable cause for his unstable stomach, it seemed ridiculous to call the vet to inquire about possible chocolate poisoning when we  would be forced to declare excessive stinkiness as his only symptom.

In a related story, I was informed by my sister, Crash, that her dog had chosen the same day to ingest a Harry Potter DVD and portions of some scrapbooks.  It’s obvious Wonderbutt texted orders to his cousin to get cracking on her contribution to this month’s research project or else be in danger of losing all funding.

I can’t wait until this month is over.

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* October is National Bullying Prevention Month, National Breast Cancer Awareness Month (We don’t want to prevent Breast Cancer – just be aware of it this month, I guess), Clergy Appreciation Month, and Sarcastic Month.  That’s just a sampling.  Here’s more if you are really curious.  There is apparently no one in charge of Month Declaring, so people can just willy nilly announce that any month is special for whatever reason.  I officially declare November to be Worldwide Cut-Out-Trying-to-Monopolize-the-Calendar Month.

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