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You Can Stop Arguing About Global Warming Now

Wonderbutt, the Dog Who Ate the World

Wonderbutt, I’m finding, is not a big environmentalist.

Forget the Greenhouse Effect.  That dog took about 9.53 minutes to completely detach the North Pole from his Orbee Planet Ball last night.  And he was not pleased when I denied him the pleasure of ingesting it.  (Actually, it was probably the South Pole (Antarctica), if you want to be technical, since it was the same color of the other faux landmasses he partially consumed a couple of days ago.)  The point is, he has absolutely no respect for the Earth. The good, or bad, news – depending on how you look at it – is that there are now no continents left for Wonderbutt to devour.

He followed up that feat with an attack on our recycling bin today when Dimples, our daughter, once again left the pantry door open.

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

At which point I concluded that next school year, the year in which I become Dimples’ Gifted and Talented teacher once a week, the year that she is in 5th grade, will be the Year that the World Implodes.  So, recycling seems a bit superfluous anyway.

My fault for throwing away an unread newspaper

Wonderbutt’s definition of “recycling” seems to be “redecorate the house with things I have chewed.  And then I will chew them again.  And then I will find things I haven’t chewed, and make sure they bear my mark, too.”

On Second Thought…

It seems that I may have judged the manufacturers of Wonderbutt’s Orbee Planet ball a bit too harshly yesterday.  Wonderbutt did, after all, only manage to eat the continents.  The ball itself is still intact.

Original Ball…

After the Wonderbutt Treatment

After I wrote yesterday’s post, I wandered into the front room to see what Wonderbutt was doing.  On the stairs, I found this:

That, my friends, used to be a tennis ball.  Wonderbutt didn’t even like to play with that ball.  Mrs. P.I.B., our golden retriever, is the house tennis champion.  I guess our canine piranha was frustrated by the absence of any more continents to consume on his own ball, and decided to take it out on another unsuspecting sphere.

Our new furniture arrives later this week.

We’re screwed.

Wonderbutt Ate the World (Most of It)

Before we get started, I would like to remind you that this is the last day of the WhatIMeant2Say Membership Drive.  Our goal was to get around 5.9 million new subscribers.  So far, we have 2.  I would like to thank jenn at http://insertwitticismshere.wordpress.com and an anonymous subscriber who writes great haikus, but prefers not to be tagged.  (See how sensitive I am to everyone’s needs?)  Your generosity is greatly appreciated!

Also, thanks to all of my 3 current subscribers, including my sister, Crash.  Your loyalty is both admirable and questionable, and somewhat haphazardly appreciated.

In other news, our bulldog, otherwise known as Wonderbutt, has finally achieved his goal of consuming almost the entire planet Earth.  I knew it would happen sometime, but was not expecting it quite this soon.  The problem is, I can’t quite figure out which portion got saved.  If you are reading this, I am assuming you are part of the lucky landmass I rescued.   If you are not reading this, then I am very sorry for not being quite as vigilant as I planned.

I am somewhat geographically and majorly map-amatically challenged.  But I am pretty certain that our planet has currently more than the 2 continents originally included on Wonderbutt’s Orbee ball.

These would be the post-Pangean continents of  Laurasia and Gondwanaland, I am assuming.  I can’t really identify them by their shape.  But the one below is the one I saved after Wonderbutt focused all of his chewing ability on the ball for 20 minutes straight.

Dogwanaland?

The other continent showed no signs of detaching, so I gave the ball back to Wonderbutt and made a mental note to check on him every five minutes.

I forgot.

About 15 minutes later, the other continent was gone.  Due to Wonderbutt’s incontinent chewing.

I won’t go into detail about what happened to that ill-fated section of terra firma…

The Big Red Planet

This particular Orbee ball, which received a 5 out of 5 on its “Chew-o-meter scale” according to the company literature, will, unfortunately, not be the recipient of the P.A.W. (Product Approved by Wonderbutt) award.  Although, I have to say that the planet without continents seems to be quite sturdy.

I’m sure there is a message in that somewhere.

Godzilla is no match for Wonderbutt. As far as I know, Godzilla never actually consumed an entire continent. (I don’t know what the deal is with Wonderbutt’s suddenly corrugated tongue.)

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