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It’s Possible that Amelia Earhart is Somewhere in My Garage

If you can look at this picture without having a panic attack, then you are a much stronger person than me.  Or, perhaps I have not done a very good job of showing the depth and breadth of this unbelievable amount of stuff that we must painstakingly plow through if we ever want to see the floor of our garage again.

I should have put our bulldog in the picture and done a “Where’s Wonderbutt?” post.  Oh well.  I think there’s still plenty of time for that.

I think that I mentioned awhile ago that my mother-in-law was in the process of moving, and that we had been tasked with clearing her old apartment by the end of July.  This began as a methodical examination of each item, and subsequent determination of appropriate categorization: keep, throw, sell, or give away.

By the end of July, it became a frantic assembly line of wrapping fragile items in newspaper, throwing them in boxes, and writing, “Keep – For Now” on each lid.  We realized that we needed to consult with the entire team from Antiques Roadshow and probably a few history professors before we could make any decisions on half of these items.

Amongst the piles of Englebert Humperdinck albums and ornate boxes for delicate panties (that did not contain the advertised item – thank goodness) we have found paperwork tracing the family back to British barons and pocket watches that still tick despite their broken faces.  And, of course, we have a cannonball.

The initial idea was to have a garage sale.  But that’s going to be hard to do until we find our garage again.


Paradise for Control Freaks

Today, I would like to talk about Mother’s Day.  Haha!  See how creative I am?  Everyone else is posting about Father’s Day, but not me.  I do not bend to society’s norms.  I do not do what everyone else does.  I do not –

remember what I was going to talk about.

Oh, yes.  Mother’s Day.  So, I never mentioned what Cap’n Firepants gave me for Mother’s Day.  (On a half-sideways note, I must say that I don’t really understand why husbands give wives anything on Mother’s Day.  After all, I am not the Cap’n’s mother.  But, I certainly am not complaining about getting an extra gift.)

Anyways, despite the fact that I really meant it when I said that I didn’t want anything except to be able to sleep late,  the Cap’n gave me a gift card to The Container Store. Now, I am pretty certain that it is no coincidence that The Container Store happens to be across the parking lot from the golf store that he went to that same day.  But I was not unhappy with the gift because he wrote a very mushy note inside the gift card, and I have been asking him for about 10 years to write me a mushy note, and I would not have cared if he wrote it on a napkin that had been chewed up by Wonderbutt.  And, no, I will not share the mushy note with you, partly because it’s private, but mostly because I’m not exactly sure what I did with it.  But don’t tell that to the Cap’n.

Now, I do like The Container Store.  But I did not realize at the time of receiving the card that it would save my marriage.

I have been referring to this summer as the Summer of Purging.  And I am not referring to any kind of eating disorder.  First, I moved my classroom to a new school, which necessitated some major disposing of unnecessary curriculum materials that had accumulated in the nooks and crannies of my previous room over 13 years.  Now, I am in the midst of my normal Summer Closet Inspections and the Attempt to Save my Daughter’s Room from Being Overcome by Silly Slappy Hands.  And, I am helping my mother-in-law scale down her belongings so she can move into an independent living facility.

Out of all the people I am dealing with, I appear to be the only reasonable one.  Everyone seems intent on trying to save every last insignificant item from the Death Squad Judgement of Mrs. Cap’n Firepants.  Even Wonderbutt snatched back a completely disemboweled toy I threw in the garbage the other day.

After a particularly grueling day trying to convince my mother-in-law that the entirety of her 1200 square foot apartment will not be able to be squeezed into her new 300 square foot room, the Cap’n and I then began to have a slightly not very reasonable discussion about the possibility of storing some of the apartment contents in our home.  And I became pretty sure that I needed to initiate divorce proceedings immediately.

Then I remembered my gift card.

“I have some errands,” I announced to the Cap’n and Dimples.

I drove straight to the Mecca of Organization, and strolled down the aisles, leisurely admiring the order and color coordination of each section.  Every time I turned a corner, I felt a bit more tension roll away.

After spending 2x the amount that was on my gift card, I was ready to return home with enough containers to control the mess that my life has become.  And I told Cap’n Firepants that whatever doesn’t fit in one of the many repositories that I purchased can NOT COME INTO OUR HOUSE.

And we lived happily ever after.

A Little Slice of Heaven
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