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Why I Should Have Been Chosen as Mitt Romney’s Running Mate

After a couple of glasses of wine, I have a tendency to get a bit feisty.  Cap’n Firepants tends to avoid conflict, but when we’re stuck in a booth together at a fancy restaurant, I don’t give him a whole lot of choice.  

Me:  So, gun control.

Cap’n Firepants (eyeing me cautiously across the table):  What about it?

Me:  Assault weapons seem to be a bit controversial.

Cap’n Firepants:  Yes.

Me:  I think it’s ridiculous for an ordinary person to own one.  But I can kind of see why we should have the right.

Cap’n Firepants (incredulously):  You can?

Me:  Well, if the government people are the only one that can own them, then they can take us over any time.  What am I gonna do – shoot down an AK-747 with my starter pistol?

Cap’n Firepants:  I never really thought about it that way.

Me:  Well, you obviously don’t read dystopian teenage novels in which the government force adolescents to kill each other in a sick attempt to quell rebellion.

Cap’n Firepants:  No, I really don’t.

Me:  Of course, we can’t just let every Tom, Dick, and Harry Potter own a weapon like that.  There should be some kind of control.

Cap’n Firepants:  Okay-y-y

Me:  But the government can’t be in control because then we’re just gonna have the same problem.  They can stick it to the man anytime.

Cap’n Firepants: I don’t really know what to say to that.

Me:  Don’t worry.  I’ve got it figured out.  I think the NRA should be in charge.

Cap’n Firepants:  The NRA?

Me:  Yeah.  Think about it.  It’s perfect.  They’re the ones trying to keep the government out of it, so they should be the ones responsible for what happens when the guns get in the wrong hands.

Cap’n Firepants:  Hmm.

Me:  And if someone goes crazy, they should have to suffer the consequences.

Cap’n Firepants:  The NRA?

Me:  Of course.  Checks and Balances, you know.  You really need to read your Constitution more often.

Cap’n Firepants: Again, really not sure what to say.

Me:  Aren’t you lucky?  Aren’t you glad you married such an out-of-the-box thinker?

Cap’n Firepants:  You’re out-of-the-box, alright.

I’d make a great running mate – as long as you don’t run too fast.
photo credit: Sangudo via photo pin cc

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