This Just In – Wonderbutt Chooses a Candidate
At Least He Doesn’t Text and Drive
Now, Where Did I Put My Gas Mask?
I Refuse to Get Him the iPhone 5
O.K. You Can Call Me Maybe, But Do Not Send Me a Text at 2 AM From My Mother-In-Law
Quick summary for new readers: Cap’n Firepants is my husband, our bulldog, Wonderbutt, knows how to text, and we are currently sleeping on a killer mattress. No husbands or 82-year-old mother-in-laws were harmed in the creation of this blog post.
Firepants Household, Master Bedroom, 2 A.M.:
Cap’n Firepants – Are you awake?
Me – I better not be.
Cap’n Firepants – I got a text earlier and I just read it.
Me – O.K.
Cap’n Firepants – It’s from my mom.
Me – O.K.
Me, sitting up – Wait a second. What?
Cap’n Firepants – I know, weird, huh?
Me – What did it say?
Cap’n Firepants – Call you later.
Me – Huh?
The Senior Mrs. Cap’n Firepants does not text. Even more perplexing, her phone does not have texting capability. She prefers “dumb phones” – the less buttons, the better.
My first conclusion: WONDERBUTT HAS LEARNED HOW TO SEND PRANK TEXTS!
My second conclusion: We should text her back. Let’s text, “Later is so formal. Why don’t you Call Me Maybe?” Or, better yet, we could leave her a voicemail with the song on it.
Cap’n Firepants was not amused by either conclusion.
Third conclusion: Our mattress is conspiring with the cell phone to turn us against each other.