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Note to Self: Shut Up

Do you know how sometimes you experience something and think, gosh it would really make me feel better to tell my Significant Other about this, but my Significant Other isn’t really going to benefit from that confession, so I’m just going to keep my mouth shut?  So, you resolve, hey, I’m never going to mention this little item to my Significant Other.  Like never.  Even if I think I’m dying or get really, stinking drunk.

And your Significant Other comes home from work, and you hear the door, and you tell yourself, now remember, Self, this is just between you and me.  What Significant Other doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

And then your Significant Other walks into the room and you blurt out,

“I almost died today!”

And your Significant Other thinks that, as usual, you are being over dramatic, and as you relate your story your Significant Other gets paler and paler as he realizes that, yes indeed, you almost died today.  Or, at the very least you almost got a huge auto insurance hike, which probably would have ultimately resulted in your demise anyway as soon as he found out.

It rained last night.  I will relate to you the fun of the evening at our house with two dogs who suffer from Storm Anxiety some other time.  But, the point is that I was very exhausted, and the roads were a bit slick when I was driving to work this morning.

I was cruising along the highway at 7 AM, completely commiserating with J.C. on Mix 96 who just got dissed by his mom because he reconnected with his biological father, when I suddenly saw a big metal fender thingamabobber sticking out of the road shoulder on my left.

I swerved to avoid it, swerved back to stay out of the cars in the right lane, and continued to live out every Defensive Driving Don’t Do This video clip I have ever witnessed the three or four times or maybe five times I’ve attended such courses, as I tried to avoid the concrete barrier.

I ended up careening through three lines of traffic, momentarily facing the wrong direction a couple of times, and finally landing in the lane next to the exit lane with a truck barreling toward me.

The truck driver apparently decided he would give me a break, and decided this would be a good time to exit whether he wanted to or not.

I rotated my car to face the right direction, merged right back in to traffic, and continued my trip to work.

Cap’n Firepants listened to the complete story, and, to his credit, said, “I’m glad you’re okay” instead of “Who the hell ever decided to give you a drivers license?  For God’s sake, give me your car keys now!  You’re a friggin’ Menace to Society, Woman!”

Which, I’m pretty sure, was whatHeMeant2say.

Pretty Much the Reaction I Was Going For

photo credit: <a href=””>Joaquin Villaverde Photography</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>cc</a&gt;
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