Blog Archives

I Spoil You

I don’t think You People realize how lucky you are.  You already get a daily dose of WhatIMeant2say ON DEMAND for free.  And, bundled into this service, you get Private Service Announcements from Wonderbutt the Bulldog about durable dog toys and, uh, well, lots of other stuff.

And, now, you are going to get your very own Winter Weather forecast thrown in.  And you thought I didn’t love you.

I’m tired of this prognosticating Punxsutawney Phil .  What a bunch of mumbo jumbo.  We are IN THE TWENTY-FIRST century, People!  Let’s get a little more scientific here.

For those of you who, along with me, snort at superstition, I am providing you with my very own meteorological prediction based on mathematical/scientifical facts.

Exhibit A: My Favorite Pair of Winter Boots

Exhibit A Closeup: Note the missing heel on the left boot, which is actually my right boot.

I walked around in these for an entire day.  I noticed my right boot made a different sound when it hit the floor, but I was so busy that day that I couldn’t examine it until pretty much everyone but me had noted that I was walking lopsided for a reason.

Exhibit B: The Backup Boots. Only Slightly Chewed By Wonderbutt.

Unfortunately, I could only pull off these boots with pants.  Meaning that half my Winter Wardrobe had become obsolete.

Exhibit B: Two Days Later. This time the right boot is on the right. That's right.

Apparently, my right foot is much heavier than the left, creating a heel inequality that made this particular heel literally fly off my shoe  in fear of its life – making it the Captain Schettino of boot heels.

Now, I must resort to these boots, which I haven’t worn in five years.

Exhibit C: Hussy Boots or Transvestite Santa Boots - Take Your Pick

I do not like the Exhibit C boots.  I don’t even know why I bought them.  Or kept them.  So, basically, I have no Winter Boots.  3/4 of my Winter Wardrobe is relegated to the closet until next November when there are actually more than two pairs of boots left in the stores for me to choose from.

Therefore, after applying my very complicated mathematical formula to this data that has been scientifically collected, I can tell you that, based on the Black Boot Shortage that has suddenly afflicted my closet –

Drum Roll, Please…

We will have six more months of Winter.  Take that, Phil.


%d bloggers like this: