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I Should Be Committed

Look very carefully at the above Amazon description of the Kinect Star Wars game.  I saw this last year, when I was stalking Xbox Kinect games to add to the gift that I expected to place under the tree, then almost didn’t have under the tree, then almost had too many of under the tree.

So, if you have the amazing powers of perception that all of my readers possess (I’m sorry if you had to use a magnifying glass), you may have noticed that this game is predicted to be released in December.  Of 2012.

I almost clicked on the pre-order button last November, 2010, before I realized the calendar year that was involved.  Then, I figured it had to be some sort of typo.  So, I kept checking back, periodically, to see if it had been corrected.  Well, if it is a typo, it’s been on their site for over a year.

I would like to meet the people who pre-order a game 2 YEARS IN ADVANCE!  I mean, I guess there isn’t really any sacrifice involved, but still, do you realize the kind of Commitment you are making here?

What if Wonderbutt eats your Kinect console, or your stupid HD T.V. that your husband insisted on buying you for your birthday 2 years ago even though you had never once said you wanted one, in fact declared the opposite, even when he kept saying how great they were every time you walked through Best Buy?

What if you die because you got locked in a port-a-potty for 10 days and nights and you refused to drink the skanky water, and everyone forgets to cancel your credit card, and your poor family gets a Kinect game that you ordered two years in advance in the mail, addressed to you?

What if some Idiot in Batman Underoos traveling in a pink baby walker runs over your foot and severs your nerves so you can’t play any Kinect games for the rest of your life?

O.K.  Maybe I need to put this in geek terms…

What if Luke decides to go over to the Dark Side after all because he feels so evil and guilty about all of the wet dreams he had about his own sister?  Then that Star Wars game will be just another doorstop, buddy.

Sheesh.  Don’t you People have anything better to do than stalk a game that isn’t scheduled to



for at least another-

Wait a second.

Crap.  When did I become a geek?

Shut up.


The Xbox Kinect Debacle of Christmas 2010 – Part 2

If you missed Part 1 of this edge-of-your-seat drama, you can click here.  Or, you can be satisfied with this summary:  I ordered a 250 GB Xbox Kinect last November from Microsoft.  They told me it was on its way, and then they told me I was never going to get it because they found out that I have a house full of Apple products.  At least that is the reason that I suspect.

Resolved to get the Xbox Kinect with 250 GB of memory (because the 4 GB version just seemed too easy to acquire and it not worth buying if it’s not a pain in the rear to find), no matter what, I resorted to eBay.  Normally, I love eBay.  But I had avoided it at first b/c I think ordering expensive electronics that way is full of potential pitfalls.  Also, it was about $150.00 more.

After much research, I found someone with 99.2134567% customer satisfaction who had been a seller since I was a baby, and hadn’t had any complaints in the last 6 hours at least.

I won’t tell you how much I paid.

Back on track again, I sighed, and stretched back in my office chair as all of the other poor late-shopping fools raced around looking for the perfect Christmas gift.

A couple of days later, I got my e-mail that the Xbox Kinect 250 GB game was on its way from my super reliable eBay seller.

The next day, I got an e-mail from Microsoft that my Xbox Kinect 250 GB game that I had ordered from them (the one they had said was CANCELLED and would never be sent to me even if I paid them a million bucks and danced naked in Times Square) was on its way.

Let’s summarize – 1 Xbox Kinect from Microsoft, then 0 Xbox Kinect from Microsoft, 1 Xbox Kinect from eBay, AND 1 Xbox Kinect from Microsoft.

For those of you without my mathematical genius, that would be 2 Xbox Kinects.  500 GB of memory.  And a credit card bill for $100,000 give or take.

In the meantime, I had been worried the whole time that Cap’n Firepants might have ordered one to surprise the family – making a total of 3 Xbox Kinect games – one for each person in our household.  This would kind of defeat my whole purpose of bringing the family together to play.

In full panic mode, exacerbated by the fact that I could not mention the reason for my increasing anxiety to Cap’n Firepants, I wielded my wonderful assertiveness on the phone to Microsoft, with the goal of getting a free Xbox Kinect.

I managed to get two free Kinect games to play on our potential 3 boxes.

Both Kinect systems arrived within a day of each other.  I wrapped the one from eBay and put it under the Christmas tree.  I glared at the other one, and finally stuck it in my perpetually full dry-cleaning basket with the intention of one day finding it a home at an exorbitant price through Craig’s List.

Christmas Day arrived, and the Cap’n and Dimples were suitably impressed by the gift.  In fact, Dimples said, “This is so cool!  I’ve never seen anything like this before,” once it was set up.

“What do you mean?” I asked.  “You and Dad saw it on a commercial, and said how great it was.  You both couldn’t stop talking about it!”

“We did?” they said in unison.

It turns out that I had wasted my time for two months.  I should have been looking for a family with more memory instead of a game system with more memory.

Thanks Otacon 9944 on Photobucket!


The Xbox Kinect Debacle of Christmas 2010 – Part 1

About this time last year, the Cap’n and Dimples were watching T.V. together.  A commercial for the new Kinect came on.  Instead of surfing to another channel, both of them watched, transfixed, as people stood in front of a camera that allowed them to control what happened on their video game just by moving their bodies.  When the commercial was over, they both said, “That is so cool!” and couldn’t stop talking about it.

I knew right away I was going to get them that Kinect for Christmas.

I’m usually great at bargain shopping online, but the Xbox Kinect was already either sold out or no bargain at all of my usual haunts. They had plenty with 4 GB of memory, but I wanted to go all out and get the 250 GB of memory.  I didn’t want to be accused of memory stinginess.  I finally resorted to going to the source – Microsoft.  They actually had it in stock, according to the button that said “in stock”, so I ordered it.

I was giddy.  Here it was, the beginning of November, and I already had the perfect family Christmas gift.

Two days after I ordered it, I got an e-mail saying that my package was on its way.  I stressed about how to keep the package hidden until Christmas, and checked the tracking every day to see how close it was to being delivered.  I wanted to be sure to hide the package before I picked up Dimples from school.

A week later, the package still hadn’t been delivered, and appeared to be stuck in some remote spot like Fiji or maybe Sacramento.

Right when I was about to start making phone calls (Thanksgiving week), I got a new e-mail from Microsoft.  Due to an unprecedented number of orders, Xbox Kinects with 250 GB of memory were out of stock.  My order had been cancelled.

What?!!!!  I frantically e-mailed back by dissatisfaction.  Why would they just cancel my order without checking with me first?  Why didn’t they just delay it?  And, what had happened to the one that was on its way to me?  THAT THEY SAID WAS IN STOCK!!!  Did someone hijack it in the parking lot of the Sacramento UPS, and give it to Justin Bieber or the Kardashians?  But all I got in response was $150 store credit that could only be used on one item, and had to be used by Jan. 1st.

You are the Controller of Nothing, Loser. The only Controller is Bill Gates.

So, I now had two problems.  No big family Christmas gift.  And no one to complain to about the abuse I was receiving because this was supposed to be a surprise.  I HATE suffering injustice silently.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to the Xbox Kinect Debacle of Christmas 2010…

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