The Mark of a Good Marriage

In all of my zeal to be vigilant over our bulldog to be sure he does not destroy our new furniture within the first week of its delivery, I forgot to watch over my husband, Cap’n Firepants.

The Cap’n has been quite calm about the gradual demolition of our home by Wonderbutt, the Dog Who Ate the World.  Periodically, the Cap’n even contributes to the demolition by doing such things as knocking down walls and tearing out flooring.  He claims he is trying to improve our home, but I’m sure that is what Wonderbutt would say, too, if only he could talk.

We were all so energized by the delivery of new furniture to our household on Friday, that the Cap’n decided it was time for him to do some more home improving which involved removing some planks of cedar off of the wall so he could replace it with drywall and paint.

I could hear him tearing it down, and, instead of being concerned, I felt comforted by the fact that he was in the same vicinity as Wonderbutt, meaning any assaults on the couch would be unlikely to occur in my absence.

After the noise died down, I wandered out to the living room to survey the damage.  To the wall.  The intended damage that was in our Grand Plan of Creating a Designer Home.

The Cap’n looked at me apologetically.

“It turns out our floor isn’t so indestructible, after all,” he stated.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.  He pointed down.  Because, like an idiot, I was still looking at the wall even though he’d said the word “floor”.

There, on our newish concrete floor, in the middle of the Cap’n’s very own design for our entryway, was a long, deep white scratch – presumably from a vengeful piece of cedar desperate to mark its territory one last time.

I am the Wife Who Backed My Car into His Truck, the Wife Who Brought the Dog Who Ate the World into Our Household, the Wife Who Sets off Smoke Alarms When She Cooks.

I cannot fault him for a white scratch on our floor.

But it will be a good weapon in my arsenal when Wonderbutt finally makes his mark on the new sofas.

Note the fancy rectangle design in front of our white door.  And the absence of any white marks.

Note the fancy, deep, white scratch that now adorns our rectangle design – the sole reason our home will now never be featured in Architectural Digest.

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Posted on May 20, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Dogs, Family, Humor, Interior Decorating, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 33 Comments.

  1. Oh, been there, done that. My little dogs destroyed my home and every floor in it. And of course, as you wrote, home projects trigger more home projects…some you decide on yourself and others due to mishaps during the process. If anyone ever looks under my many throw rugs, I’ve got some ‘splaining to do.

  2. I think it adds a nice touch. 😉

  3. On the other hand, now you don;t have to worry about keeping everything perfect in case those Architectural Digest folk show up unexpectedly…

  4. I am the woman who lives with DYI Guy (That’s Do Yourself an Injury Guy). Cap’n Firepants sounds amazing to me. I could overlook a white scratch, except I find it’s always good to have something in your arsenal, especially when you are the Wife Who Backed My Car into His Truck (or, similar)… 🙂

  5. misswhiplash

    Now it sure ain’t as bad as it looks! A little light stain diluted would soon get rid of your white line, coffee black is another one, shoe polish…or just leave it as a bit of modern art

  6. Chancy the Gardener and Crew

    Oh, no!! Maybe you will find an easy fix. Hugs and nose kisses

  7. I feel your pain in more ways than one. I am the girlfriend who adopts a dog that destroys ONLY her boyfriend’s belongings. I have recently purchased XM Radio wires, replacement flowers for a planting pot, a pair of shoes, and (the most expensive) a hot tub cover. *sigh*

    I am just waiting for said boyfriend to make some kind of mistake so I can feel a bit better ; )

  8. looks like the beginning of a CSI chalk drawing to me. ;o)

  9. Always good to have ammo for those unexpected moments you’ll need it.

    • Yes. Now I just have to quantify it. It’s certainly not worth as much as the carpeting or the furniture the dog destroyed. But it might cancel out the backing into the truck. Maybe.

  10. Well, been there with my “Captain”, too. He cracked some of new tile we laid in the kitchen when he and my son were re-making our cabinets. He’s been there with me as well. I side swiped his car the first year we were married, broke our outdoor water fountain, thinking I could fix a clog in it…(no)…my list is longer than his. Tomorrow we are having a new mattress set delivered and we have to move furniture from one hallway so they can get the set into our room. One of us is likely to scratch, dent or put a hole in something. We’ll see. I love the CSI chalk drawing comment. 🙂

  11. I love that floor, even if the Cap’n is giving it that “lived in” look.

    There must be some sort of fix for this. Can you buff it out somehow? I think Wonderbutt might enjoy being the least destructive male in your household today. It’s a rare occasion.

  12. Poor Captain!! Cover it up with brown sharpie.Sarah once spilled CSI kit on our white carpet than tried to clean it up.

  13. There’s gotta be a homemade potion that you can whip up and apply for that type of unfortunate situation. And yes, you keep that scratch in your back pocket for when you really need it for something.

  14. You have your hands full with these males!
    Bella and DiDi

  15. Ginger says You could use white chalk and make the outline of a dog body there and then tell wonderbutt this is what will happen if he eats the sofa.. hehehehe There might be some sort of dye or paint to cover the spot?

    Your friends,
    the collies and chuck 🙂

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