The Mark of a Good Marriage

In all of my zeal to be vigilant over our bulldog to be sure he does not destroy our new furniture within the first week of its delivery, I forgot to watch over my husband, Cap’n Firepants.

The Cap’n has been quite calm about the gradual demolition of our home by Wonderbutt, the Dog Who Ate the World.  Periodically, the Cap’n even contributes to the demolition by doing such things as knocking down walls and tearing out flooring.  He claims he is trying to improve our home, but I’m sure that is what Wonderbutt would say, too, if only he could talk.

We were all so energized by the delivery of new furniture to our household on Friday, that the Cap’n decided it was time for him to do some more home improving which involved removing some planks of cedar off of the wall so he could replace it with drywall and paint.

I could hear him tearing it down, and, instead of being concerned, I felt comforted by the fact that he was in the same vicinity as Wonderbutt, meaning any assaults on the couch would be unlikely to occur in my absence.

After the noise died down, I wandered out to the living room to survey the damage.  To the wall.  The intended damage that was in our Grand Plan of Creating a Designer Home.

The Cap’n looked at me apologetically.

“It turns out our floor isn’t so indestructible, after all,” he stated.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.  He pointed down.  Because, like an idiot, I was still looking at the wall even though he’d said the word “floor”.

There, on our newish concrete floor, in the middle of the Cap’n’s very own design for our entryway, was a long, deep white scratch – presumably from a vengeful piece of cedar desperate to mark its territory one last time.

I am the Wife Who Backed My Car into His Truck, the Wife Who Brought the Dog Who Ate the World into Our Household, the Wife Who Sets off Smoke Alarms When She Cooks.

I cannot fault him for a white scratch on our floor.

But it will be a good weapon in my arsenal when Wonderbutt finally makes his mark on the new sofas.

Note the fancy rectangle design in front of our white door.  And the absence of any white marks.

Note the fancy, deep, white scratch that now adorns our rectangle design – the sole reason our home will now never be featured in Architectural Digest.