Don’t Report Me for Antabuse

I set a box of ants on the dining room table, and I am now sitting in the back of the house wondering if that was a wise decision, considering that our bulldog, Wonderbutt, likes to eat cardboard and doesn’t like it when I leave him alone in the front of the house.  But, I am too lazy to go save the ants from Wonderbutt, and besides I am doing very important research.  I must find out how long ants can live in a box, because I did not expect them to arrive this quickly.  My second graders do not come to class again until Monday, and they will be very disappointed if I release the ants into their new habitat without any witnesses.  However, they will probably be even more disappointed if I open the box and a bunch of dead ants fall out.

The last time I ordered ants, I followed the directions carefully for the transfer from box to ant farm.  It was highly recommended that the insects be refrigerated for awhile so that they would become sluggish, thus rendering them less hostile as I vigorously shook their package to allow them to fall into their new home.  Perhaps not surprisingly, this “sluggish” period was fairly short – about 1/10 of a second, and I immediately had ants that “might bite” racing all over the table while my 3rd graders gleefully tried to catch them. Death reports flooded in.  “I think I stepped on that one.”  “This one just jumped off the side of the table.  It’s not moving anymore.”  After a 20 minute round-up and thirty minutes of carefully inspecting the classroom, I think we got about 10 ants of the original 40 into the ant farm.

Once they were in between glass, the ants were fascinating to watch.  So, remembering the delight and new respect for small creatures that it gave my students, I decided to repeat the disaster this year.

So far, I have had no luck discovering how long ants can live in a box, but my Googling Genius has revealed that ants can wreak havoc if they decide to nest in your Apple iBook.  You will be happy to know that there is an entire thread in the Apple Support Community that will give you advice on how to deal with this nasty problem.

I suppose that I have procrastinated long enough – and it is ominously quiet in the Wonderbutt section of the house.  It is quite possible that he has swallowed the box whole.  Or, even more likely, that he has ripped it to shreds and there are now ants crawling all over the dining room.

Maybe if I had a more appealing ant habitat, the little guys would be less inclined to attempt their Alcatrazian escapes.

What I really need is a new habitat for Wonderbutt…

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Posted on October 25, 2012, in Dogs, Humor, Wonderbutt, Work and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 32 Comments.

  1. I’m sitting here waiting to see whether Wonderbutt swallowed the box whole; whether the ants will survive until Monday; whether you are going to provide a photo essay on the individual ant-scepades… please! Put me out of my misery.

  2. The suspense is killing me!

  3. OMG I really hope it wasn’t the second option — that would be a nightmare! Also, way to not be afraid of ants, I’m impressed (and/or I’m also pathetic, because ants scare the crap out of me for no reason).

    • That is how I feel about roaches. I am fine with ants, as long as they are not fire ants. Ants, snakes, spiders – no problem. Big ole cockroach waving its antennae at me – BIG PROBLEM.

  4. Now I am worried, very very worried, about the ants and my macbook. The ants are everywhere and nothing seems to deter them. The only redeeming thing is at least they aren’t fire ants.

  5. I am pleased you expanded! The opening sentance had me very confused – I was wondering why you would have bought ants for wonderbutt to release around your house!!

    I think you need a holiday!

  6. Good golly, you are funny! 😀
    Can’t believe there’s a whole support forum for ants and Ipads. Hilarious .

  7. We had an ant farm when my son was younger. It was more fun to watch my cursing husband put the “sluggish” ants in than anything else. But my son did enjoy seeing tunnel progress each day, hearing me scream as I tried to throw in a crumb and they tried to escape, and then tallying the death rate as the weeks went by. Such memories.

    • I am not absolutely sure what we learn from the whole experience, but it is fascinating. I love the mental image of your husband trying to herd the ants into the farm. I’m sure I resembled him. Without the cursing, of course. I was in the middle of a bunch of a students at the time…

  8. “I decided to repeat the disaster this year.” heh

  9. A new habitat for WB….I am here ..I will love him….parcel him up…
    Ants…they bite..at least the ones we have here do..nasty little creatures but stillthey are God’s creatures and He loves them even if I don’t

  10. I repeated that disaster every year for a long time. Ants are fun (don’t miss the fun of caterpillars/butterflies and tadpoles/frogs), but the transfer is definitely stressful. You may not need to worry about that, though. Wonderbutt may have taken care of it for you. Yay, Wonderbutt. You have made your Mom’s life stress-free. Good dog!

  11. If Wonderbutt discovers that box, he might become an ant farm himself! This is such a cool idea to do with your students. Hoping the little ants survive.
    This post was hilarious by the way!

  12. A Wonderbutt Farm. People would pay good money to watch a dog destroy things inside a container.

  13. You are such a cool teacher! Lance would love that. I think you need to refrigerate them a tad bit longer next time, maybe?

  14. this post is just damn funny and that’s all. oh, and good luck?

  15. Ginger wants to know what would happen if you poured some gasoline on them… muwahahahah (dad is holding his head in his hands again.. wonder why?)

  1. Pingback: I Haven’t Killed Them Yet « whatimeant2say

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