Besides My Cooking, Another Reason You Might Not Want to Come to My House for Dinner

Wonderbutt and Squeaky Toy share a rare quiet moment.

Wonderbutt and Squeaky Toy share a rare moment of silence.

I am sure that it is not just chance that the only toy that has ever stood up to the jaws of our bulldog, Wonderbutt, also happens to be the most annoying toy on the face of this planet.

My daughter and husband have plotted to make Squeaky Toy disappear.  Permanently.  So far, I’ve held them back.  Wonderbutt is just so darn happy when he plays with it, and it’s not very often we get to see the pudgy little guy actually smile.  (I told my husband the other day that we should have named him Bob Newhart.)  See, look how gleeful he is when he plays with it?

Photo Mar 08, 6 59 53 PMOh, right.  I forgot.  I have no pictures of him playing with it.  As soon as I pull the camera out, Wonderbutt, races to me so he can shove Squeaky Toy in my face.  There is nothing quite as enjoyable as having a stinky plush toy smashed into your nose.

The main problem with Squeaky Toy is that Wonderbutt refuses to allow me to schedule the playdates.  Instead, Wonderbutt chooses the time and place that Squeaky Toy is invited to make an appearance – and those times are not what the rest of us would call ideal.

Yesterday, our elderly friend, MILlie, came for dinner.  To keep Wonderbutt from leaping on her, I tried to distract him with Squeaky Toy.  Wonderbutt sat next to MILlie, and stared at me like I was insane as I danced around squeezing Squeaky Toy enticingly.  He finally sighed, and returned to the more pressing job of figuring out how to hump our guest.

An hour later, we sat down to dinner.  Five minutes after we started to eat our spaghetti, Wonderbutt came racing into the room, merrily chomping down on Squeaky Toy.  He pranced around the dining room table, and dashed through the curtains behind us, back and forth, now completely devoted to playing with Squeaky Toy, his long lost friend who had been annoyingly silent for entirely too long.

Short squeaky bursts, and long high-pitched wails emitted from the toy as Wonderbutt eyed us  peripherally for our reactions.  Then, he walked too close to my husband’s chair.  Squeaky Toy hit a leg of the chair, and popped out of Wonderbutt’s mouth.  With quick reflexes, Cap’n Firepants kicked Squeaky Toy under a low side table.

Wonderbutt tries to figure out how to rescue Squeaky Toy

Wonderbutt tries to figure out how to rescue Squeaky Toy.

Blessed silence.

Until –

Wonderbutt realized that his attempts to remove Squeaky Toy from the table dungeon were only making things worse.  So, Wonderbutt began to whine.

Which is worse – the joyous, ear-splitting shrieks of a Squeaky Toy being chomped on by a happy bulldog, or the less-deafening but amazingly depressing sound of a canine parted from his very best friend in the whole wide world?

We pulled out Squeaky Toy.




Posted on March 9, 2014, in Dogs, Family, Humor, MILlie, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. I can relate. We have ‘flea’, the only indestructible squeaky toy for the fluff-monster. But, she also has this habit of losing her rubber ball underneath the couch and then staring at you with limpid eyes until you retrieve it for her. Usually in the middle of dinner. Whimpering is also a feature.

  2. Awwwww good choice rescuing squeaky toy, Wonderbutt is too lovely to be sad.

  3. I think I’d name Squeaky Toy, “Twinkie.” What is it that our animals like the dumbest looking toys? Miss Moneypenny carries around a turtle that look like a smiling circle. Sigh.

  4. LOL… amazing how dogs always get their way in the end… pretty smart. I have a lot of catching up to do on your wonderful and funny blog. And I will… 🙂 Glad to see all of you are doing well!
    God Bless You!
    the collies and chuck 🙂

  5. Go, WB! Squeak that old guy! It’s such a happy sound! Mom got me a toy with a squeaker that only I can hear. Every time I play with it she wonders if she got robbed. I’m not telling….

    Love and licks,

  6. Why am I so interested in hearing about your elderly friend Millie? I always chuckle at Wonderbutts antics, but it sounds like you had a character from Driving Miss Daisy over. I used to go sit and have tea with an old lady across the street from where I lived and I loved her company. Is she old like 90? Does she talk about the olden days??

  7. Whoever designed squeaky toys deserves to have a house full of blissful Wonderbutts. I’ll let you decide whether that’s a blessing or a curse. 😉

  8. First and best laugh of the day!!!

  9. Reblogged this on jenusingword's Blog and commented:
    If only Mr. Bojangles could play with Wonderbutt..

  10. My dog doesn’t understand toys and I don’t know why! He just looks at me like I’m an idiot. Maybe I’m blessed but I wish I knew how to entice my Mr. Bojangles into playing with some cute toys, maybe ones that don’t squeak so much;)

  11. Miranda Gargasz

    Awwwwww! Wonderbutt and his beloved Squeaky Toy! Glad to see this post!

  12. Nobody trains the Firepants family like Wonderbutt!

  13. Oh… Wonderbutt… That’s all I can say to that, plus: This is why I’m a cat person.

  14. Seriously, Wonderbutt needs his own Facebook page. He could be the next Grumpy Cat.

  15. Every time I read a Wonderbutt-themed post, I end up WANTING MY OWN wonderbutt! Or a dalmation. Either way, though, there will be a squeaky toy ban in my household.

  16. Love WB tibits! 🙂 always glad to see an update from you.

  17. Whining! Can’t stand it! We have a similar toy – looks like a happy carrot. It didn’t survive because the CAT ate it.

  18. Love your dogs’ name. The story reminds me of our dogs; Bailey (now passed) used sit at the edge of the kitchen and taptaptap her nails against the floor. Charlie tries sitting on our laps when we’re at the kitchen table.

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