Thank You, Force of the Jedi, For Sending Me this Man

My husband, the Honorable Cap’n Firepants, has suffered much humiliation at the paws of my pets over the years.  How he handles this is exactly why I love him.

On our first date, my dog of the moment tried to rip out Cap’n Firepants’ throat.  The Cap’n brought me home from a movie, and I invited him inside for a minute.  That is when Cujo leapt on the Cap’n with open jaws aimed straight at his larynx.  I grabbed the collar and yanked Cujo off the Cap’n, who mumbled something about, “Maybe some other time,” and made a quick exit.  After the door closed, I threw myself down on the sofa in absolute despair of ever being able to date again.

The next day, the Cap’n sent me roses, and invited me on another date.

Over time, the Cap’n was able to slowly make friends with my ferocious dog, and even ended up pet-sitting for me for 3 weeks when I went to Japan.  And, despite the fact that my dog was completely insane and ended up on Prozac, the Cap’n eventually proposed to me. (Of course, some of you might think, and I would agree, that the bigger miracle is that he did this despite the fact that I am completely insane and on Prozac.)

That dog is long gone.  But now we have Wonderbutt.  And the Cap’n and Wonderbutt have a tenuous relationship that waxes and wanes on a daily basis.  Mostly wanes.

The other night, the Cap’n was sitting on one of our new sofas, watching t.v., and Wonderbutt plopped down in front of him, staring at him with soulful eyes.  (Wonderbutt is not allowed on the new couches, and if you question this rule, you might want to look at a few of the reasons why here and here.  I would like to point out, though, the widget on my left sidebar that shows how long our new furniture has made it chew-free.)

After the Cap’n ignored Wonderbutt for a few minutes, the dog began to whimper.  This is what he does to me at night when I am in his favorite chair.

The Cap’n has a soft heart.  He bent down to Wonderbutt’s sweet face to gently tell him that he is not allowed on the couch.

And Wonderbutt belched the loudest, jowl-lifting, house-vibrating belch ever emitted by a mammal on this planet.  Right in Cap’n Firepants’ face.

Back in the Forbidden Section of our house, I felt the earthquake, but did not know its source.  But, I did hear Cap’n Firepants’ response to Wonderbutt’s in-your-face insult.

He laughed.

Warning – the sadder I look, the more gas I am about to emit.