At Least It Wasn’t the Toilet

How a Firepants Family Thanksgiving Goes Down:

The week before:

  • Cap’n Firepants buys a 75 pound turkey that will be eaten by approximately 6 people.
  • Mrs. Cap’n Firepants begs to go to a restaurant.
  • Cap’n Firepants says that he loves to cook the Thanksgiving meal.  It’s just the cleaning he does not enjoy.  There is an implication there that Mrs. Cap’n Firepants does not like.
  • Mrs. Cap’n Firepants begs to go to a restaurant.

The day before:

  • Cap’n Firepants buys his favorite pecan pie from Bill Miller’s, and starts preparing items for the meal.
  • Mrs. Cap’n Firepants despairs of going to a restaurant.  Once the pie has been purchased, the wheels have been set in motion.

The day of:

  • Cap’n Firepants begins to cook the turkey, cleaning the kitchen as he goes along.
  • Mrs. Cap’n Firepants is thankful that she has married the greatest husband in the world, and that her anti-depressant seems to be kicking in.
  • Wonderbutt waits in the kitchen for delectable bits to be dropped on the floor.
  • The Globetrotters (the cousins, not the basketball team) arrive.
  • The kitchen sink backs up, upchucking disgustingly dirty water into the ice machine and all over the kitchen floor.  Decidedly unappetizing.
  • Mrs. Cap’n Firepants begs to go to a restaurant.
  • Wonderbutt tries to help by licking up the dirty water.
  • The plumber is called, and valiantly arrives in record time so he can charge us time and a half and another half for working on a holiday.  About how much it would have cost to go to a restaurant.
  • The kitchen sink is fixed.
  • Wonderbutt refrains from eating the plumber.
  • Thanksgiving dinner is saved, and only twice as much cleaning needs to be done.
  • Mrs. Cap’n Firepants strongly considers feeding the leftovers to Wonderbutt, but is slightly concerned he will explode, forcing her to clean the kitchen for a third time.

The next day:

  • Mrs. Cap’n Firepants begs to go to a spa.

Not our plumber. I think. Definitely not our house.  It’s too clean.
photo credit: John Carleton via photopin cc



Posted on November 23, 2012, in Cap'n Firepants, Family, Humor, Wonderbutt and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 27 Comments.

  1. Arghhhhhhhhhhh! I’ll meet you at the spa!

  2. I’d like to meet you at the spa, too. How ’bout it?

  3. And yet, in the end, I hope a fun time was had by Firepants, Globetrotters, and dogs.

    Happy Thanksgiving, wim2s!

  4. Sounds like fun. I … ummm … I went to a restaurant. Sometimes dreams really do come true.

  5. ah…but what a great time you all will not be forgotten in a hurry

  6. okay. i laughed really hard. but it was a sympathy laugh. i am so sorry things went south. but, YES. at least it wasn’t the toilet. my dream is to go a restaurant for thanksgiving. i think after about 20 years of suggesting it every year, hubby is a TEENSY bit closer to agreeing. so maybe by 85? glad firepants family survived. 😀

  7. He should have listen to you. 🙂

  8. Whoah! At least it got fixed and wasn’t a complete disaster.

  9. Does anybody in the entire universe enjoy family get togethers at home for Thanksgiving? Maybe we should make a move to create a “Go out to a restaurant so you don’t have to deal with the headache” day. Who’s with me?

    • I am SO with you! Seriously, I don’t know one person who actually looks forward to their Thanksgiving holiday. I love seeing family and friends, but the pressure I could definitely do without!

  10. This is the first year in about 3 or 4 that wee didn’t go to a restaurant…. I missed having leftovers

  11. Mag (Chancy's Mumsy)

    Oh, my goodness!! Wonderbutt you and Mrs. Captain Firepants both deserve a day at the spa. Hugs and nose kisses

  12. Thanksgiving is like the movie “Ground Hog Day”. You will live to experience this again, and again, and again. Even if you eventually get to go to a restaurant…it will be waiting! I have been living in the same time warp for years…and yes, I have to clean up the kitchen after the hubs ‘enjoys the holiday cooking’ also. White Dog takes care of the floor at least!

  13. Not interested in the spa, especially after leaving my turkey in the bathtub to thaw for almost 24 hours. Wrap me in plastic and I wouldn’t look much different.

    My only disaster was that turkey was meant to be ready at 9, and wasn’t until after 11. I’m gonna kill whoever wrote that cooking temp recommendation on the ‘net.

  14. Oh my goodness! Why does that sort of crap always happen on a holiday when family is visiting?!? Glad everything worked out though!

  15. The restaurant option or catering are always good for Thanksgiving – I’m with you! Holidays are so much more happy and thankful when no one is stressed about making dinner, or kitchen sink grossness. Has the Cap’n learned his lesson (i.e. to follow your every order without complaint because you are the all-wise wife)?

  16. Despite it all we hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Now, my sides really hurt from all the laughing.. this is priceless!!!

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